Let me start off by saying my journey has been full of ups and downs and I don't think my view on people will ever be the same.
I met my H in high school and we have been together for 14 years. We have lived through money strain, military deployments, children, college, and now this A. By no means do I think my husband is innocent. However, my husband is a guy who never looks at porn, never been to a strip club nor wants to, does not drink, smoke, or look at other women. He always drools over cars and looks at them online. He is too nice to people and other people do take advantage of him. I feel this view I have on him has me fighting between what I know and how horrible I want to believe he is.
My DD was this past Jan. I found out that he had been engaged in the A off and on for over a year. The OW is 10 years older than me, heavier, has more kids but she is single mom. My H said their relationship started off as a friendship bc they bonded over the fact they both served in the military, even though she was never deployed. Anyway, he than started doing odd jobs around her house that I was unaware of. He knew I would get upset. Which now he realizes would have been a good thing. Then one day while over there she came on to him and started messing with him. Before he knew it the affair started. He said he was stressed and filled with guilt all the one time and couldn't bring himself to tell me.
The OW started threatening him that she or her bff would tell me what was going on if he didnt full fill her needs. He said over the course of the years they hooked up maybe 8 times and half those times his needs were not met.
I knew he had been hiding something but didnt know what. One night I wasnt feeling well and went to sleep on the couch. His phone had gone off and it was the OW texting him. I confronted her at her work and she started out saying that it was a friendship gone too far then later she texted me and said it was very intimate and she loved him but he never told her he loved her or wanted to leave me.
I found out that she goes after unavailable men all the time. I dont understand why anyone would deliberately do this.
I am 6 months out and have recently had lots of days where I feel inadequate and depressed. Days where I still just cry and cannot believe that the only person I have ever trusted broke that. I am introverted and it makes me want to be shut off even more. Some day I look at my H and feel like I couldn't imagine my life without him and other times I want him to leave. Do any of you feel that way?
How do we move on? He has been so trustful and I have full access to his text which he does not delete, the cell phone logs located on the online account to make sure hes not lying, his emails, and fb. Does he sound like one who is likely to be a repeat offender?