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Newest Member: Marriedsafe (49902)

User Topic: what else can i do?
♀ 39214
Member # 39214
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

im so lost i love my husband very much and want so badly to be with him but damn this hurts i dont want to live like this the rest of my life .

but i dont want to spend my life without him either .

i hate her and i hate his choice i would have never imagined id be in the mess . i wish i didnt love him .

i wish staying was easy i wish leaving was easy . i dont want her to take away my plans that i had for us .

maybe this belongs in general .....

im so angry and soo sad and i hate it all . i hate every man that doesnt know what he has because he is focused on what he doesnt. i hate that we have to pay because their "broken"

mod feel free to move this .



Posts: 278 | Registered: May 2013
♀ 38139
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

your DDay is so new, so fresh. I am so sorry for your pain. I have felt it. I have felt your feelings of despair. Your post was my post at the very beginning. You are not alone in your feelings.

The best advice i got from this site was to give it time. Dont make rush decisions in this early time. This is the most painful thing you will ever go thru. This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.

You need to give yourself time to process all your feelings. dont push them down. dont rug sweep them. let them come. face them head on. Talk to your WH. keep the lines of communication open. Go to MC/IC, read books, post on this site.

If your WH is truly remorseful, and shows you with actions every single day, then the pain does lessen. I am 6 months out from my DDay. In the beginning i thought i would die. I couldn't eat, i lost weight, didn't go out, could barely function. i was a mess. devastated. Feeling exactly how you feel.

6 months later, i am stronger. The pain is there, but it is less. Every day i fight. Every day i struggle. Some days i win and i beat the pain...other days it overtakes me. But every day i fight.

Keep fighting. You are not alone. If you love him, if he is remorseful, if he owns his actions and works hard on himself to identify his issues and fix them, then R is possible. If there is one thing this site has taught me, it is that R is possible. It is possible to rebuild, it is possible to have that future you wanted.

keep fighting. you are not alone. hugs to you.

Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
♀ 12802
Member # 12802
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

everything you're feeling is normal... doesn't help, I know . it's especially hard when the things you're feeling are conflicting. love them, hate what they did.. hard to leave, hard to stay...

time will help. you'll find some solid ground after you get your feet underneath you. for now, take care of yourself. feel what you feel, cry when you need to, find a safe outlet for anger. and know that no matter what, you'll be okay, I promise.

you are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequence of your choice. *a universal paradox

Posts: 14917 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: mercury's underboob
♂ 36555
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 6:01 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel you 100%. It's the infidelity sandwich. Where you were fed it like it or not. So now we have to figure out if leaving is easier or staying. They both suck especially after building a life together. But relax and remain calm. You DON"T have to make the choice in the next 24hrs. Allow yourself to think. DDAY was just a few months ago. The 1st year is HARD!!


BS - Me 46 WS - Her 44 (Childhood sexual abuse survivor)
DDAY -#1- June 2012/ #2 -June 2015 / #3-August 2015
Married 25yrs. 2kids
Status: Separated possible divorce.

Posts: 1722 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's not what the WS doesn't have - its about how they feel about themselves.

The ONS or the A makes them feel wanted, attractive.

They don't have to deal with real life of kids, house payments and tired spouses.

You are enough. It's not about you. It's about him giving into temptation.

It's not just men, it's women too.

You are hurting and that is so understandable.

It is a long, hard road and it hurts like hell but you can make it. You will make it.

Going or staying - you still have to HEAL


"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." - Maya Angelou

Posts: 1622 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 39588
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, June 25th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I am angry tonight. For almost 16 years I have been 100% faithful and even though H is doing everything right (now) I still want to scream and throw things. It just doesn't seem fair :(. You are not alone.

Me (BS): 36
Him aka narcissistic psychopath (WS): 36
Married 17 years 6 kids ages 16-7
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

Filed for divorce 5/8/15

Posts: 326 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 25364
Member # 25364
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No advice for you. Just reading all of your recent posts and you just seem to be in so much pain right now. Sometimes we just get into such deep holes that it is hard to feel anything but the pain. Hopefully you can look up and catch a glimpse of blue sky.

Just know that this is normal and will get better. Right now just sucks. There is no other way to say it. Empathy Hugs to you.

In R? But how do you know it isn't another pack of lies?

Posts: 482 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: NY
Topic Posts: 7

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