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more tt in wh attempt to show remorse
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scangel3 posted 6/25/2013 13:06 PM
God dammit! More Fucking TT, it drives me crazy. Since seeing OW at the store the other day, first time I've seen her in public, the flud gates opened up. It was a shock to see her, wh was very supportive and helpful after seeing her, up until that time I was successfully doing the 180, feeling good about it too.
But then we saw her and later that day I got more TT. Finally admitting to everything I already suspected to have happened. I lay awake at night until early morning with mind movie after mind movie just on repeat mixed with all the times he has lied to me. I'm just hurt that it took seeing me devastated seeing her to finally show me some resemblance of remorse and tell me everything.
How do you get past all the TT? How do you heal from that, the actual acts of the A are one thing to heal from and forgive, but the lies and deceit are so much harder to forgive and trust again.
Its been a sad few days for me, barely being able to eat and function just enough to care for my kids. WH's trying to be supportive and comfort me, reassure me. But he still doesn't love me and he still lied to me for almost 3 years after the A ended.
I'm still trying to do the 180, but i'm just so sad and tired that its hard for me to keep it up. I just want to curl into a ball and stay there until this pain goes away!
MovingUpward posted 6/25/2013 14:28 PM
Your description of your feelings could indicate that you've slipped into depression. Are you seeing an IC to help you sort things out.
Try to eat and drink water. Getting some exercise might also help you out. You are going to have to push yourself to break the funk. We can be cheerleaders for your efforts, but you have to take the steps.
scangel3 posted 6/25/2013 16:36 PM
No I'm not in IC, I know I need it but financially can't afford it.
I had severe PPD so I know what depression feels like, I'm not quite there but I know if I keep feeling this way that's where I will be, and I will get help. I have been trying to distract myself with my kids, keeping busy.
Thanks for the support!