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Blameitontherain posted 6/25/2013 13:32 PM

I am angry that we can't go to pool or waterpark as a family. I will flip my shit if I see WH checking out other women. WH knows he has a problem.

In the past, I have noticed WH looking at other woman. Super obvious and disrespectful to me and them. I get that he has eyes and can't unsee only woman. I always calmed myself by saying it doesn't, matter. He picked me, not them etc. now that I know this isn't true, I just can't handle it if I see it happening again. He did it at the mall a couple of months ago and it instantly triggered a bad mood. I just wanted to get out of there. I felt trapped. The kids were with us. I couldn't speak up.

I don't want the kids to have restrictions on places. Just another way infidelity has permeated into my life. Nothing positive, all negative.

trumanshow posted 6/25/2013 13:56 PM

I could have written this- mine didn't just look or stare. He ogled-like he had been at sea and hadn't seen a woman in months. Very disrespectful

rachelc posted 6/25/2013 14:00 PM

We have had huge fights over this. And the oogling didn't start until the day before his first affair started. I have no idea why they do this and i wish a guy would weigh in on this. I call him on it every time and its gone down a lot but who knows what is happening when I'm not with him.

Mine also said for the first 20 years of our marriage he'd see a girl on the beach and think what he'd like to do to her. Nice way to wreck the memories of those vacations honey. Our MC said lilooking is ok but the minute it goes to fantasy is big trouble....

[This message edited by rachelc at 2:01 PM, June 25th (Tuesday)]

brokensunflower posted 6/25/2013 14:51 PM

my WH is the same way I have noticed him looking & he will tell me he doesn't try to he tries not to look .. he tells me im his only girl .. I call bullshit you can control where your eyes go.. I have slot of self esteem issues right now since his affair .. sighs .. we just gotta keep breathing

Ashland13 posted 6/25/2013 16:34 PM

Oh, yes, this could have been written about Perv/Happy Pants. I wish I knew 20 years ago to consider it a red flag, but I do now.

He would get intensely angry if I mentioned to him or tried to say that it hurt my feelings-it wrecked me emotionally and I am already insecure about how I look. I have the "Ugly Duckling" syndrome in my family already.

During false R, he was retracing our marriage and only taking out the parts that were about him and any little negative thing. He remembered overheard conversations from 20 f'ing years ago, where we would go out with friends or relatives before DD came and he heard me and a friend talk about.

Did he apologize? No, he got very, very angry. He feels actually entitled to this and do you know what? During false R, he told me it's my lousy self-esteem problem and most every man does it.

He also told me, while he was "away", that I should go to a bar or two and get myself looked at so that it would perk up my ego?

I'm sorry, but I have never been a person who's ego gets happy by being looked at-in fact, it makes me check my buttons! Or think I have food on my face!

And no, I don't believe that "every man" does it. My father didn't~

During false R it got really, really bad and I suspect he got used to some serious single-life freedom after he abandoned us. He made an arguement in a restaurant and almost had me tell him to leave during our celebratory dinner of being reconcilliated, it was terrible.

A relative said one day after, she wondered if OW was in the area following him and was looking for her? He would get engrossed in groups of girls or women and go so far as to fade out of a conversation DD or I were trying to have with him.

It got so I worked to make plans only at our house or relatives so that I could avoid the situations and feelings.

Ostrich80 posted 6/26/2013 02:22 AM

Mine doesn't stare in front of me but he disrespects me by leaving me standing like a dumbass while he talks to women in our kids sports league. He doesn't introduce me to them and it pisses me off. Or he will talk about something personal in their life and when I ask how the hell he knew that, he'll say, oh last week when you weren't here she was talking to me about it. I always feel like he has these rflationships with women who wouldnt know he had a wife if they didn't see me. In fact one mom whose daughter was on the team for a whole season saw my DD sitting on my lap and said, oh are you DD mom? Hmm I didn't know ws was married.

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