Oh, yes, this could have been written about Perv/Happy Pants. I wish I knew 20 years ago to consider it a red flag, but I do now.
He would get intensely angry if I mentioned to him or tried to say that it hurt my feelings-it wrecked me emotionally and I am already insecure about how I look. I have the "Ugly Duckling" syndrome in my family already.
During false R, he was retracing our marriage and only taking out the parts that were about him and any little negative thing. He remembered overheard conversations from 20 f'ing years ago, where we would go out with friends or relatives before DD came and he heard me and a friend talk about.
Did he apologize? No, he got very, very angry. He feels actually entitled to this and do you know what? During false R, he told me it's my lousy self-esteem problem and most every man does it.
He also told me, while he was "away", that I should go to a bar or two and get myself looked at so that it would perk up my ego?
I'm sorry, but I have never been a person who's ego gets happy by being looked at-in fact, it makes me check my buttons! Or think I have food on my face!
And no, I don't believe that "every man" does it. My father didn't~
During false R it got really, really bad and I suspect he got used to some serious single-life freedom after he abandoned us. He made an arguement in a restaurant and almost had me tell him to leave during our celebratory dinner of being reconcilliated, it was terrible.
A relative said one day after, she wondered if OW was in the area following him and was looking for her? He would get engrossed in groups of girls or women and go so far as to fade out of a conversation DD or I were trying to have with him.
It got so I worked to make plans only at our house or relatives so that I could avoid the situations and feelings.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.