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Is there a manual????

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Tripletrouble posted 6/25/2013 13:49 PM

Yesterday - 2 months out from d day - more TT, lies, gas lighting, blame shifting.... Begs the question if there is a damn cheaters manual on how to act after you're busted. Today was one of the worst days of my life. I had to leave early from my new job because I couldn't keep my composure. My eyes are half swollen shut. I have no one to sit with me, and I have no support because no one knows except two dear friends who are not geographically close. I'm still trying to be a good mom, but I'm pretty much useless. I keep hoping to wake up and this will all be a nightmare, but my SI friends know all too well this is the new reality.

ineedtoleave posted 6/25/2013 14:27 PM

All I can remember of trying to get thru it all was putting one foot in front of the other.... and coming here to get everything off my chest and the best advice I could get anywhere.... (((Tripletrouble))) WE are here for you!!!

WoundedOpus posted 6/25/2013 14:35 PM

Sorry, no great advice here. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal many years later. Just wanted to say that' it's GREAT you're here now, so soon after, wish so much I had known about SI back then!

While I don't know about a cheaters manual (although I sadly bet there actually is one out there), there certainly is a good healing after the affair one I highly recommend for you (both)! How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Tour Affair


Ashland13 posted 6/25/2013 17:01 PM

HI TripleTrouble,

I'm really sorry for your agony and I live it. I found out five months ago but have been alone over a year, when he first abandoned us in the middle of the night.


I had the symptoms you write about and I don't know if it will help any, but something I stumbled on was appealing to my senses. My brain was so far gon that I didn't know what day it was for about 9-11 days, then it would level out,then return. I lost 30 pounds in three months, as well.

I couldn't seem to get a grip or handle on my own thoughts and felt propelled by air, with nothing under my feet, much as I still do.

So when all else failed, I will share that I got through to myself through my senses. Scents, sounds, deep thumping music that I liked for short periods, meditation tricks I've worked on for a while now.

There are some other things that began to show me the light of day as well, but those were first.

Other things I did and do are a journey through my roots. I've been to the house I grew up at, I went to grandparents graves (though it was 4 am), I went to my mother' in laws grave and told her I missed her and where did her son go?

It is a feeling of reaching, of reaching into my soul and searching for strength that is not always there.

Another thing that really helps -and I do this daily-is search for anything that had to do with my life before I met Perv/Happy Pants. I had a hard time remembering there even was life before him and I was a kid, but it's true. Likes and dislikes, I even looked up old friends that faded away and some were really excited to hear from me-one was even glad he's gone!

If you want to I can Pm you some very simple things I did. I'm not a psychologist or counselor, but have been told by them that these are top notch skills and they've gotten me by some of life's darkest hours, without pills.

And, I tell you, Yoga is the most amazing thing.

I wish you peace and some moments of clarity that will grow and grow. And I hate saying it, but "it does take time".

I am pretty much alone in daily life, as you are, for the one person I feel truly understands me is hours away and caring for her motherless neice and full time job.

I think I can posted 6/25/2013 20:43 PM

It took me three months to be able to wear regular (not waterproof) mascara again.


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