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General :
Is there a manual????

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 Tripletrouble (original poster member #39169) posted at 7:49 PM on Tuesday, June 25th, 2013

Yesterday - 2 months out from d day - more TT, lies, gas lighting, blame shifting.... Begs the question if there is a damn cheaters manual on how to act after you're busted. Today was one of the worst days of my life. I had to leave early from my new job because I couldn't keep my composure. My eyes are half swollen shut. I have no one to sit with me, and I have no support because no one knows except two dear friends who are not geographically close. I'm still trying to be a good mom, but I'm pretty much useless. I keep hoping to wake up and this will all be a nightmare, but my SI friends know all too well this is the new reality.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Happily remarried 2018
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

posts: 1175   ·   registered: May. 3rd, 2013
id 6386886
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ineedtoleave ( member #29332) posted at 8:27 PM on Tuesday, June 25th, 2013

All I can remember of trying to get thru it all was putting one foot in front of the other.... and coming here to get everything off my chest and the best advice I could get anywhere.... (((Tripletrouble))) WE are here for you!!!

BS(me)-52
WH-59
OW-43(married ex-Co-worker)
Married 6 yrs
DD#1: 3/19/10
DD#2: 5/11/10
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.

posts: 977   ·   registered: Aug. 16th, 2010   ·   location: Arizona
id 6386947
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WoundedOpus ( member #39521) posted at 8:35 PM on Tuesday, June 25th, 2013

Sorry, no great advice here. I'm still trying to figure out how to deal many years later. Just wanted to say that' it's GREAT you're here now, so soon after, wish so much I had known about SI back then!

While I don't know about a cheaters manual (although I sadly bet there actually is one out there), there certainly is a good healing after the affair one I highly recommend for you (both)! How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Tour Affair

((((Tripletrouble)))

Me: BW 37
Him: WH 38
(DDay: 2/2008)
13 years, 5 kids...Seven years of Limbo

“I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well." ~ Diane Ackerman

posts: 178   ·   registered: Jun. 11th, 2013
id 6386956
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Ashland13 ( member #38378) posted at 11:01 PM on Tuesday, June 25th, 2013

HI TripleTrouble,

I'm really sorry for your agony and I live it. I found out five months ago but have been alone over a year, when he first abandoned us in the middle of the night.

Anyway...

I had the symptoms you write about and I don't know if it will help any, but something I stumbled on was appealing to my senses. My brain was so far gon that I didn't know what day it was for about 9-11 days, then it would level out,then return. I lost 30 pounds in three months, as well.

I couldn't seem to get a grip or handle on my own thoughts and felt propelled by air, with nothing under my feet, much as I still do.

So when all else failed, I will share that I got through to myself through my senses. Scents, sounds, deep thumping music that I liked for short periods, meditation tricks I've worked on for a while now.

There are some other things that began to show me the light of day as well, but those were first.

Other things I did and do are a journey through my roots. I've been to the house I grew up at, I went to grandparents graves (though it was 4 am), I went to my mother' in laws grave and told her I missed her and where did her son go?

It is a feeling of reaching, of reaching into my soul and searching for strength that is not always there.

Another thing that really helps -and I do this daily-is search for anything that had to do with my life before I met Perv/Happy Pants. I had a hard time remembering there even was life before him and I was a kid, but it's true. Likes and dislikes, I even looked up old friends that faded away and some were really excited to hear from me-one was even glad he's gone!

If you want to I can Pm you some very simple things I did. I'm not a psychologist or counselor, but have been told by them that these are top notch skills and they've gotten me by some of life's darkest hours, without pills.

And, I tell you, Yoga is the most amazing thing.

I wish you peace and some moments of clarity that will grow and grow. And I hate saying it, but "it does take time".

I am pretty much alone in daily life, as you are, for the one person I feel truly understands me is hours away and caring for her motherless neice and full time job.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

posts: 3034   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2013   ·   location: New England
id 6387125
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I think I can ( member #17756) posted at 2:43 AM on Wednesday, June 26th, 2013

It took me three months to be able to wear regular (not waterproof) mascara again.

((tripletrouble))

I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

posts: 9046   ·   registered: Jan. 14th, 2008
id 6387326
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