I'm sorry, what to do. I'm in a simmilar place and sometimes the sh filter isn't strong enough or big enough.
Many similar things are happnening in our situations and so I wish you strength. One thing I've been told is to try the "bandaid" technique, once a decision has been firmly made.
I don't know if it will help any, but we are telling DD in stages. Some may say it's not fair to her and use the bandaid effect on her, but I won't do that to a kid. This is an area where I think TT sometimes can be better.
We told her today that our house might have to be sold and we may get a "new" one. We emphasized the good parts of one I found and are going to swallow our problems and drive her by it so she has us both "together". FWIW, she was very, very quiet and looked to be thinking very, very hard.
She has heard of a lot of relatives moving and found it fascinating, but I think never thought of it for herself-neither did I.
We made a big speech about the neighborhood it's in and what's near it and it has two people we know within walking distance...and a park!
We talked about possiblities of a new room, for she's been in the same one since birth and some decorations.
And I asked Perv/Happy Pants not to show it to her until I was there.
I don't know if that helps any, but she ended up going out the door smiling and I overheard her asking questions about "the new playground."
I hope all you have to do will be okay.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.