He never comes up to kiss me, hold me, asks about my day, does things for me. Nothing. But when I initiate these things he doesn't pull back either, he accepts them and then will reciprocate. It just doesn't occur to him to do these things!
When I tell him what I need he will listen, but no action takes place. It is quite exasperating. I don't know if I can live like this anymore. I want to feel special and he doesn't make me feel that way. He doesn't even say I love you although I know he cares.
My IC say's he can't change much because that is who he is. I'm so depressed about that.
He is not a bad person. He gives me financial support, doesn't abuse me physically. We don’t fight. He does everything I ask him to do. He just can't deal with emotions and has a hard time talking about them. I do have to say after the infidelity he has made an effort to share feelings. He even once or twice kissed me, and did ask me about my day. I told him how much that meant to me.
At one time I decided not to touch, hug, kiss, talk emotional, do little things for him, etc... and see if he noticed. I went four days of none of this before I broke down and did what I Always do, be the one who initiates these things. I feel so sad. I don’t know what to do about it. Live with it or go?
I have to admit feeling a little jealous when reading what some of your SO does for you, the emails, notes, flowers, gifts, words of endearment… I want that in my life now, but I keep thinking of that is who he is and I have to find my needs met in a different way, he is a different type of person.
I'm married to an EU (or if not unavailable, distant) woman and I feel for you. But we did sucessfully R and are more or less happily married over 30 years later, at least to the degree that she is even capable of feeling happiness.
SI helped me a lot, but I also found myself getting jealous of what some others seemed to have, and a bit of a failure for putting up with an R where I did most of the heavy emotional lifting, and the process pretty far from the SI Ideal.
But, I came to realize that the process is just that, an Ideal, and so powerful that even half a loaf is pretty healthy meal. So I decided to stop feeling so bad about what I wasn't getting, and try to celebrate what I did. I guess I've always been a "Glass is half full" kind of guy anyway.
For others, this would have been a dealbreaker, I know that. Only you know for you, and maybe not yet, but don't let anybody tell you what to do. Listen to all the good advice, and take what works for you.
