I can be happy for friends getting married, celebrating anniversaries, having babies. I can even go to wedding and baby showers and even anniversary parties.
But then come the FB pictures, and the pictures that are emailed, and then the email responses and FB posts. I then feel myself start to get jealous and sad for all the things DD and I lost. It's the constant barrage of shiny, happy, people (families) smiling that sometimes gets too much for me to take.
Does that make any sense? Am i being selfish? Why can't i be fully happy for my friends? How horrible is that of me?
After 4 freaking years it can still bring me to my knees that I will never have the family I want - that I set out to have with XH.
I hate that I feel this way.
Remember though that what you see on FB or even in real life is the outside. People did not know what was really going on in my life from looking at my FB page or from talking to me at the supermarket. Don't envy those people. You do not know what they have gone through or are going through. We do not know someone's life from the outside.
Just celebrate that there are happy moments in everyone's lives and hope and work toward finding more of them in your life.
I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken
There came a point when it was too painful to love him, so I stopped.
I think all we can do is remember the joy we felt in those moments and be happy for the poeple who will hopefully get it right. I proposed to my ex in a cave (at the entrance, it was a really beautiful spot) and I remember that we both felt like we were floating the whole two mile hike back to my Jeep. As great as that was, it doesn't make the pain worthwhile but I'd be incredibly happy for my brother if he got to have that joy without the pain that came after it for me.
When I start to get bitter, I just remind myself of how insignificant I am in the grand scheme of things, suck it up and do the best I can to be happy for others.
My marriage was one of those happy looking couples on the outside but behind closed doors our marriage was a disaster. Even my family thought we were this nice happy couple, the perfect little family. Things aren't always what they seem to be.
It is what it is.
Your X was an ass; why bemoan the fact that he's no longer part of your family? You now have a chance to make a really happy family with your DD, and it can truly be anything you want because you don't have to consider that asshole.
I hated that I had become this person - I wasn't that person, I am not that person. I was momentarily disfigured by grief.
It stopped when I had an aha moment of sorts - I was NEVER going to have that life with that man. Even if we were 'intact'.
A painful and uncomfortable truth. I'm still pissed off about and I feel terribly defrauded it but even that is waning.
I don't know what came first, acceptance or surrender. Both essential to my healing. I was stuck in an ugly place and reached a point where I had enough.
I think I will always mourn the family I set out to have. I didn't sign up for this. It is so fucking unbelievably unfair. To my girls, to me. He failed them. I feel I failed them in choosing him (yes, not good but I'm working on it).
The dream has changed slightly but I can still have that dream. MY little family IS intact, it is happy, loving, joyful, cuddly and everyone in it feels cherished.
You can still have the family you want - try to think beyond its composition and consider its heart and soul. The heart of my family beats loud and strong - I can almost see the vibrations of the beat. I couldn't hear it in my M for all of the noisy misery, I couldn't see it for all the head in the sand, gouging my eyes out I was doing.
I'm sad for all I missed. I am thrilled that my fog was cleared in time. I could have missed another 5, 10 years whilst busily beating that dead horse of an M.
I feel blessed to have a second chance to have that family I always dreamed of.
What is that quote? Don't look backwards; it's not where you're going..
LOVE that quote. I finally figured out that it's TrustGone that has it on her tagline.. I try to tell myself that all the time..
FirstLoveGone, if it helps, I was just saying to my mom yesterday that there are sooooo many things I want to post on Facebook about what I'm going through, songs, quotes, just generally, "My STBX is a lying fucking snake!" You know stuff like that, but I keep FORCING myself to only post positive things, stuff about the kids, fun stuff we are doing, funny pictures or quotes, etc. I think I'm the prime example of someone with their life falling to pieces behind the door, but I still project happiness on Facebook as much as possible..
Everyone is right. What you see on Facebook is the mask a lot of people put on to project how happy and fun their life is. EVERYONE has troubles behind the scene.. Please try not to get to jealous or upset by what other people seem to have. It's just not the truth, not by a long shot..
The thing is, I WAS that happy person in a marriage. My XH wasn't a douche in our marriage. I thought we had a good marriage until one day he came home and said he didn't love me anymore.
I know every marriage isn't perfect, but I KNOW my friends are happy in theirs. And so what still pains me, is that I don't have that. Seeing what I don't have plastered all over FB and shoved in my face through emails is sometimes too much to bear.
I know I'm whining. Thanks for listening.
[This message edited by FirstLoveGone at 10:29 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)]
I WAS that happy person in a marriage. My XH wasn't a douche in our marriage. I thought we had a good marriage until one day he came home and said he didn't love me anymore.
Yes, same here. I was happy. Very happy. And I thought we had a great marriage. And then one day he left. Now I know that it wasn't the great marriage I thought it was, and he didn't just decide one day to leave. There was just so much that I didn't know. One the surface our marriage was perfect. So much so that even I thought it was. But it wasn't. Looking at others marriages, they might seem perfect but it doesn't mean they are.
But I do know what you mean. Absolutely. Having the families shoved in my face hurts.