"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim." Nora Ephron
With that being said, this does not mean that I don't have bad days and at times I freak out if he doesn't answer my phone call or text in a timely manner and I do check his phone periodically. But he knows this and understands it. He is showing remorse for what he has done and is being transparent. This helps a lot.
So to answer your question, can your R if WS works with OP. the answer is yes, but it is not easy and you both have to work hard at it. Expect to take a couple of steps backwards, but as long as your moving forward you are heading in the right direction!
Hugs to you and stay strong.
Married 31years, together 34
D-Day 1 - April 1, 2012
D-Day 2 - October 5, 2012
D-Day 3 - August 15, 2014
Heading towards Divorce
He's in the process of getting another job, and I feel like we can't really move forward until he does.
I hate knowing that she can contact him at any time.
Married 2.5 years
We remarried in 2014
Eventually her AP moved out of state to take a new job in the same industry, but FWW continued to work there, and even with him gone, that was a tough trigger for me for a long time.
But we did successfully R even with this going on, so it can be done. But it puts a hard spin on the hardest road.
He still has at least one standing weekly meeting with her that I know about. He was telling me every single time she emailed or IMd him. Now, he is only to tell me if she brings up anything personal. She's got a local boyfriend now so she doesn't bother him/us at all. Strictly business.
Interestingly enough, he went there for a big conference in March. He had to interact with her each day. I told him that since he was "in love" with me again, that she may look differently. I was right!! He said "What the hell was I thinking?"
It got easier when her fiancÚ learned about everything. It's like I have an ally in keeping the NC going. FWH and OW thought they could be polite or casually friendly (they ended the A before I discovered it) and it just couldn't continue. Now that her fiancÚ knows and I talked with OW at length myself, there's been absolutely NC other than what's absolutely required to do their jobs.
In fact, aside from visiting this site and in counseling I haven't been thinking of her or him/her at all for weeks. It's a nice change.
I'm not what I ought to be. I'm not what I want to be. I'm not what I hope to be. But thank God, I'm not what I used to be.
It's pretty sick when you think about the fact that they spend more time with your WS during the week that you do. I try not to think about it most of the time but it's never really NOT on my mind.
Right now, I'm doing my damndest to trust him when he tells me he ignores her as much as possible. Since he told her last week to stop talking to him about anything other than work, I've heard she's actually pissed at ME and that I'm overreacting. She sees no reason why they can't be friends.
Right. Well, as I plainly explained to my WH (who never had a friendship with her anyway - no one does...).
"So she sent you naked pics, you sent some back. She talked dirty to you, you talked back. Even if you WERE buddies before, there is no going back to anything other than coworkers. Hello, goodbye, that's it."
We're both trying to find him another job in the meantime.
We are happy and our relationship is completely different now. I trust him now and I think he knows if it ever happens again I won't R again.