Had my first IC appointment last night. So far I like her. I liked her demeanor and what little she had to say. Obviously since it was the first session I did most of the talking. I just hope I didn't give the impression that I don't need therapy because of the place I have come to, my understanding of the why's, and how I feel about myself. I think it would just be a good idea to have support when I need it. I know there will be highs and lows and I want to have an IC there for the lows. The one thing I liked a lot was that she was focusing on me and not on Jerkface. She wants to work on what is in my head and my reactions to it.
Overall, I feel pretty good. My only real struggle now is how this will effect the kids and not wanting to hurt them. But being detached from him feels pretty damn good. It feels awesome to believe the list of good attributes about myself...the one I made when I was still questioning why and how he could have done this. The list that he made me feel was an abosolute lie and I was just worthless. I don't feel worthless. And really, he was the one who made me feel like the great person I am by consistently showing me what an awful person he is. It feels good not to fight, too. Even though I say maybe 2 sentences to him a day. It doesn't bother me. I do find myself talking to myself more though...probably have to change that into an internal dialogue before people think I'm insane!
WH: 34 TimeToManUp
Married: 12 years, together 18 years
3 daughters: 10, 6, 4, and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.