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Newest Member: Questiounanswere (45696)

User Topic: help me with my over thinking!
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not one to multiple date once I'm attracted to someone. If I've had a nice first date and we've planned a second one, I don't keep looking or communicating with potential on line "suitors". And lately this hasn't been an issue as I haven't had many second dates. And even the second date guy didn't turn into a third date guy! I think having several conversations going on at the same time makes sense to me as many times the conversations fizzle out and don't lead to a date.

For some quirky reason my OLD profile is getting lots of attention lately, leading to several "would you like to start communicating" inquiries. Again, I see nothing wrong with having several conversations going at the same time (see my previous post for a small problem with that thinking )

And now this. I've had 3 phone conversations with this guy but we haven't met yet. He's great on the phone, easy to talk to, intelligent, seems emotionally intelligent etc. I'm starting to like him a lot. We plan to meet this Saturday. And I find myself wanting to shut down the other communications that I've already started,the one's that sound like they may be leading to a "would you like to meet" conversation.

One of my problems that I have been working on regarding dating is that I get overly invested overly eager sometimes, I have put all my eggs in one basket, made up in my mind something that isn't reciprocated etc...and I don't want to do that with this guy. Am I doing that with this guy? I live too many tomorrows ahead of today...when I like someone. What if, what if, what if...ykwim?

So your advice on this, please wise SI amigos: Do I keep communicating with the 2 other people I've already started conversations with? Do I start a conversation with the other interesting guy who just sent me a OLD message? Do I express interest to the ones who have contacted me but with whom I haven't started a conversation? Do I let things sit and simmer until after Saturday? Cuz really it is only 4 days away, I can certainly postpone communications for 4 days, it happens all the time. Great on paper and great on phone don't necessarily mean great connection. That's the answer, right? Slow the hell down???

ARGH let the over thinking and over analyzing by better4me begin.

[This message edited by better4me at 10:27 AM, June 26th (Wednesday)]


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3233 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
lieshurt
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wouldn't end the other communications without at least meeting this guy and going out on a few dates first.


Sometimes the strongest people hide the deepest pain.

Posts: 13832 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
OnceInALifetime
♂ 26023
Member # 26023
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Like you, I don't like to multi-date, even though most people do so.

However, I have no issue scheduling more than one first date. It's once I get to second dates and beyond that multi-dating becomes uncomfortable for me.


BH, now divorced

Posts: 3012 | Registered: Oct 2009
wonderingbull
♂ 14833
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are way over thinking girl..

Right now you need to tend to the herd because you don't have a prize bull that takes the blue ribbon...

Carry on,

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5997 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
InnerLight
♀ 19946
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I get overly invested

This is exactly why continuing conversations and going out on 1-3 dates with more than 1 person is healthy.

Right now you need to tend to the herd

Totally!


BS, now age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years M and 20 together. In some ways I have not 'gotten over it'. But I am resilient and have created a good life where I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5893 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
persevere
♀ 31468
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 11:24 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with wb on this one.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4663 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
wildbananas
♀ 10552
Member # 10552
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm with WB, too.

The other WB


Travel light, live light, spread the light, be the light. ~ Yogi Bhajan

Posts: 15433 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Now an AZ girl
better4me
♀ 30341
Member # 30341
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Update: Thank you all so much for your input. Have been thinking and smiling about the "blue ribbon winning prize bull" comment every day since Wednesday!

Met the new guy last night. I, in the way that I do, had blown the "idea" of meeting him all out of proportion. Nice enough guy, will see him again in order to get to know him better, no longer so worried about it. He's interesting so I do want get to know him better. I will, in the meantime, continue to see other people too as a way of continuing to keep the pressure off making this one "the" one. If it develops to a deeper relationship and we need to have a talk about exclusivity, then I can make an informed decision and I don't need to do so yet. I have so many "hurry up" messages in my mind that I have to keep reminding myself to go slowly, aka "tend the herd", and your wisdom regarding this animal husbandry fact is much appreciated

I've made so much progress in the last year--progress in knowing myself and what I want and need regarding dating. Last year at this time I thought I was "ready" for dating and a relationship and I'm seeing just how less than ready I really was. Time is my friend.

Slow. down. INDEED!


DDay 11/17/2010 BW:53
Divorced

Posts: 3233 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Iowa
Topic Posts: 8

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