I will be going back to court on tomorrow and there may be a slight, small, tiny, itty-bitty chance that we will be able to come to an agreement regarding all the issues about the divorce.
I will be asking for full legal custody. My thinking is that if something should happen to me, my stbx will not be able to care for my children. This is what concerns me the most:
1. Possible untreated/undiagnosed mental illness OR really poor coping skills. Suicide attempt, suicidal idealizations and passive suicide behaviors, and his threat to shoot himself in the head and have the children find him. All extremely serious and alarming but he gave an excuse (minimized and blame-shifted) for every single episode.
2. As of today, no relationship with both children.
3. Both kids have special needs. While we were together, he did not know how to deal with their special needs so the full responsibility was mine.
Now maybe there is a small chance that if something should happen to me, he may step up to the plate but if past behavior is an indication of future behavior, well then ... no.
I know there is a saying here that goes something like "Is this the hill you are willing to die on?" I feel it is but I need others perspective in case I am not being rational and I don't even see it Thank you!!
If he's not going to step up to the plate, help with the kids and be able to make decisions then he doesn't need any kind of custody. There's more to it than just more time with the kids or paying less/more support.
It is what it is.
This is a subject I shy away from thinking about. It motivates me to keep my doctor's appts. and to take my blood pressure meds every night...
The reasoning/logic presented to my (whack job, unreliable, deviant, irresponsible and often absent) ex was that if we could not agree a third party tie breaker such as the court would be appointed to make decisions regarding our children, or one parent could be assigned "tie breaker status" for such things like medical issues, schooling, religion, where the children live, etc.
I truly believe the mediator had his number and floated the language in a very low impact way to get him to agree. She was aware of domestic violence in the past and at every turn seemed to have done her homework.
We will share legal custody because although he is CLEARLY unfit to live in my mind , he functions well enough to care for his children (so far).
I do think that stbx has a serious undiagnosed mental illness (as does anyone else who knows his recent actions) but if he had done any of the things you have listed I would be pursuing legal custody. If I were in your shoes I would fight long and hard to keep the kids away from him.
Younger son turned 18 this year. We have no legal ties to ex now.
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect