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Newest Member: FrustratedJoker (61483)

User Topic: Possible to have long term affair and be a Sex Addict?
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 10:59 AM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My question is: Can a person be a Sex Addict and still have a LT affair with one person?

I'm not sure Reconciliation is the right place for this but I found out about WH's 2+ year affair with a business associate a little over 3 months ago, so it doesn't feel like I "just found out." I knew something was awry for over 2 years but had been getting the gaslight treatment every time I approached the subject. Even after I confronted him with evidence that ended up being the puzzle pieces that made everything clear, he continued to deny until I found yet MORE evidence and confronted him about it in the middle of the night. I now realize I am a "co-addict" and that WH has a lot of traits of being SA (enjoys porn, secret life, avoids emotional intimacy, acted out when he could not engage in his "ritual", became even more bold ad out in the open about his relationship with OW, experienced childhood trauma, has attachment issues, allowed this secret life to adversely affect career/income/finances).

We have been in MC since March but recently switched to a counselor specifically trained in PTSD/emotional-sexual intimacy issues and both of us feel like we are in more capable hands in terms of guidance. The issue of WH possible being SA came up and he has agreed to be evaluated by a CSAT (different than our MC). We are trying to work things out.

Any sharing of real life experiences would be greatly appreciated.

BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 932 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 30086
Member # 30086
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simply. Yes. My SAWH had a 2 1/2 year A with a woman. Part of it, I suspect, for him was amping up the danger aspect.

Me - BW (38) Him (calcitro) - SAWH (38)
2 Kids Working on R
DDay#1 - 11/9/10 - 2 year EA/PA
DDay #2 - 12/9/10
Disclosure - 4/8/11
Timeline - 5/9/11

Posts: 505 | Registered: Nov 2010
♀ 34755
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes. My fwh is a diagnosed sa. He did have multiple affairs, however he had a 27 month lta. He had no emotional connection to her, she fed his addiction. She never turned him down, she fed his ego.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 6:34 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anything is possible. I know SA is real, not trying to minimize but how many times is that used as an excuse for the affair(s).

I am glad to hear your husband is willing to get evaluated. That is a positive sign.

Good luck. I hope things continue to improve for you.

Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for

Posts: 3313 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 28720
Member # 28720
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A sex addict isn't defined by having multiple partners, although it is one of the classic signs I suppose. It's more about engaging in the multiple sexual experiences that provides that "fix". A LT affair partner is just easy access to that fix, more about convenience than anything else and really has nothing to do with emotional involvement.

Put another way, child sexual abuse is an extreme form of sex addiction due to it's criminal and abusive nature. My dad abused me for about 17 years...I can guarantee he was a sex addict.

Posts: 901 | Registered: Jun 2010
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This describes my WH. He had a two year affair with one woman. He says he didn't like to see her, he just got addicted to the daily phone sex. He saw her five times during the affair, he says he only saw her so the phone sex would continue. I didn't believe him at first and I still struggle with the idea but it's starting to add up. He was also secretive about porn and avoided intimacy. He's one year out and still going to IC.

Posts: 870 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 6

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