ETA: Maybe it's just residual from being told that I'm allowed to feel bad...but only on his way and on his time.
[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 3:07 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)]
Confronted him: 12/22/2011
This is the most difficult thing I've ever done.
I know this isn't my forum, and I apologize for crashing it, but after my H filed for divorce last June, I had to really, truly grieve the fact that I would most likely have no more children. It was the hardest thing for me to accept - it's a real, true, and hurtful loss. And like you, anything about pregnancy or newborns broke my heart. I think you should be gentle with yourself, let yourself mourn this loss, both of your precious angel and the future children you might have had with your STBX.
[This message edited by JanaGreen at 3:23 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)]
[This message edited by TattoodChinaDoll at 5:18 PM, June 26th (Wednesday)]
I myself have suffered several pregnancy losses it can be devastating.
I am in Australia we have an organisation called SANDS (stillbirth and neonatal death support incorporating miscarriage). This organisation was my rock they helped me immensely dealing with the overwhelming grief of losing a child. Maybe you have similar group near you to help you deal with your grief.
Feel free to PM me if you need to chat about it.
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Besides not having support, I find it difficult to have time to be sad. I don't want to cry in front of the kids. And like yesterday when I was alone with them until STBX got back to the house at 10:15, I'm at the gym as soon as they are in bed. I beat myself up for being sad, too. I should be happy for my friend.
This. Sometimes I have to focus on all of the possibilities in the future to help get through the heartache of the present. Knowing what we now know about our WS makes it clear that we were on an awful path full of pain, misery and hopelessness. We just couldn't see it and held on tightly to false hope. And now that false hope is REAL hope! We no longer have that guarantee of misery that comes with being with a person like our exes.
What you are feeling is what you are supposed to feel. He conditioned you to doubt every part of yourself including how you feel! How sick is that?
I try to keep in mind that I'm dealing with a man who literally fears emotions.He can't handle his own and can't handle anyone else having uncomfortable feelings either. I wanted to please him so bad that I suppressed something as natural and human as my emotions just to make him more comfortable. It sounds like you have as well. Remember THAT was off and unnatural and was as bad for us as it felt. I shut every emotion off just to keep from feeling the negative emotions his ridiculous actions naturally caused. There were many times in my marriage that I worried about myself because I didn't feel anything anymore. I thought I was a dysfunctional emotionally dead person when in reality I was mirroring my emotionally dead ex to keep the peace. But when I stopped because I was finally through with his shit and was finally willing to make waves, it ALL came back. The good the bad and the ugly!
There is no right or wrong emotion to anything, it's what we do with it that is right or wrong. Suppressing them and doing something destructive and stupid later (like having an affair) is obviously WRONG. Our exes are so fucked up that they can't understand what it's like to be an emotionally functional human being.
You NEED to grieve and process all of the mess you have had to go through lately. It's a genuine NEED right now so give yourself what you need.
My ipad does a lot of crazy typos.