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Newest Member: chessboxer (45725)

User Topic: New realizations.
scared&stronger
♀ 15942
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 8:48 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it has been awhile since I posted anything about myself. But here goes. In the last couple of weeks fOW has started a new round of attacks. Even bringing my DD into it. Over six years and she still hasn't moved on. What was even worse for me at least is fWH response....he was a little upset that I "allowed fOW into my head." He apologized, bought me flowers, a sweet card and suggested we contact a friend who is a retired police officer to see what our options were.

I blocked all the numbers that the messages were coming from....they keep coming. I asked if he had heard from our friend and he hesitated(flag flapping in the wind). He finally told me he only said that to calm me down. He doesn't want to really do anything that might have an impact on him or his job

I thought about it a long time last night and I realized some of the things that I will never get back no matter what he does.

I will never trust him to have my back or to protect me from anything. You know that old question about would you take a bullet for your loved one....well I know my answer is no. I wouldn't take a bullet for him. I wouldn't step in front a car for him.

I know sexually there will probably never be an emotional bond with him. It would be purely physical because I will not allow anything more than that.

I will never be able to show him all of me. My dreams and hopes are mine alone. I do not want to share them with him. I don't trust him with anything as precious as my dreams and future.

I also realize I am okay without him. I should take care of myself. If he is out of my life....maybe she will go away too.

I don't wish him ill will. I want him to be happy but I don't think that will be with me. I am just tired of the constant disappointments.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3980 | Registered: Aug 2007
Ostrich80
34827
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have covered pretty much my life in a nutshell, well except for ow. She lays low like the belly crawler she is. As far as my feelings towards my m and ws..spot on.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5238 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He finally told me he only said that to calm me down

Wow. Way to be a dick.
And what a huge disappointment.
I'm sorry. That had to be a bitter pill to swallow.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
scared&stronger
♀ 15942
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 9:21 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes gonnabe...it was. But even more sadly to me is that it didn't hurt as much as it should have. I feel numb with him. I feel like I am always on pause. I am constantly thinking and letting things slid so that I won't be disappointed. I know it isn't good to have no expectations of your spouse. What does that say about the relationship?

Ostrich....I am so sorry to hear you know what I am talking about. I don't want anyone to feel this way. I wouldn't mind at all if the twat in our situation would disappear into the dirt she came from. But no such luck. Do you ever find yourself wondering why you are with your spouse? I am sorry I do not know your story.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3980 | Registered: Aug 2007
flup
♂ 21259
Member # 21259
Default  Posted: 11:10 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear you.

For me, putting my feelings under the light gave me and "ah, ha!" kinda moment....

I imagined a scenario where a highway patrol office comes to the door and tells me that fWW is dead on the highway an hour ago.

... and I feel relieved.

I don't think I know what to do with this. I think it's sort of like how you feel.


Me: BS 55
Her: fWW 50

D-Day #1: 12 Aug. 2008. WW's 2nd affair w/college teacher.
D-Day #2: 18 June 2009. Affair #1 with neighbor was fall of 2002 - while I was coping with the fallout from 9/11.
Still trying to R.
22 years married


Posts: 435 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Ohio
crazyblindsided
♀ 35215
Member # 35215
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, June 26th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will never trust him to have my back or to protect me from anything.

This is exactly how I feel too. I was also contacted by MOW the other day and totally sent me into a tizzy. She threw a piece of info at me that happened after DDay2 that she should have never known about (I tried to attempt suicide) and the only person who would have told her is my WH.

I yelled at him "You had to tell her that too!" I am beyond humiliated and it's because I have allowed it to happen I guess. Mine also says he is mad at her that she upset me and also that I allowed her into my head.

(((scared&stronger)))


BS/FWS (me):40 Madhatter
WS/BS:42 Serial Cheater
Together 18 years, Married 13
DD(10) DS(7)
DDay(s) 5/08, 5/09, 3/30/12
Final Dday 7/11/14 Affair never ended

Posts: 2266 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: California
OnAnIsland
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 2:04 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am mad that he let her into our life. And angry for you (several of you) mentioned spouses who were upset with you for letting AP into your head. I know there is no justice in all of this, but our WSs should not have let these people into our lives or M. I am sorry for your pain and disappointment. Take care of you and your children


D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful boys in elementary school

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou


Posts: 1479 | Registered: Dec 2011
scared&stronger
♀ 15942
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We talked last night briefly. He wants to go on a anniversary trip....I don't. This of course has been a issue over the last 3 or 4 years. It feels like there is so much tension why would I want to be on a trip without the distractions that keep me sane.

I tried to explain to him how I felt and he grabbed his pillow and stormed out. I asked him why he was leaving he said if I didn't trust him there was no reason for him to stay in the same bed. Sadly I was fine. I would get a good nights sleep without his snoring.

(((CBS))) I truly understand this too. He also told fOW about my suicidal thoughts and plans. He told her he wanted to make good memories with my in case I succeeded. She told him I was manipulating him and that I would never go through with it. Guess what the first thing she said on D-day was. Called me and told me that she was going to do that and would no longer be a bother to anyone.

FHP I am starting to do even more self examination and I do not think I like what I am seeing.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3980 | Registered: Aug 2007
gonnabe2016
♀ 34823
Member # 34823
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he said if I didn't trust him there was no reason for him to stay in the same bed

Jeez, he's incredibly selfish and he must have been looking at lawnmowers the day the *empathy* sale was going on....
F.T.G.


"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive." - Sir Walter Scott

In my effort to be *concise*, I often come off as blunt and harsh. Sorry, don't mean to be offensive.


Posts: 8181 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Midwest
scared&stronger
♀ 15942
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is diagnosed NPD. And when nothing is right in his world....nothing is right in the entire world and it is out to get him.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3980 | Registered: Aug 2007
scared&stronger
♀ 15942
Member # 15942
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here we go again.


WS 45
BS 43

Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.

d-day 4-3-07

Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.


Posts: 3980 | Registered: Aug 2007
Topic Posts: 11

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