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He won't give me his address - my kids stay there!

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AussieMum posted 6/27/2013 08:31 AM

So STBXH moved out in January to his enabling mate's place. After 2-3 weeks he moved in with OW3 and introduced the kids on his very first visitation weekend with them. They've been staying with him at OW3's house since then, 2 nights per week and every 2nd weekend.

He refused to give me the address back then, telling me all I need to know is that the kids are happy and safe. I only know the town I've had my lawyer organize a letter requesting he inform me of where my kids are staying when they're with him or face a court order. He should get the letter by the end of the week, but I'm guessing he will just ignore it, like he ignores my emails regarding the children.

Today he tells me by text that OW3 'doesn't want to give out her address' and I should respect that. I'm not sure if I'm more pissed off with him or her at the moment.

To make my day worse, I find out from the kids that STBX had to go to a meeting for work, so OW3 drove them 40 minutes to school this morning. It's winter here, very cold and foggy, horrible driving conditions. The kids are HIS responsibility, not hers. I'm sure he's very smug, thinking he's got OW there to take up the slack when the parenting responsibilities get too much for him. I've no doubt that he could not do it all on his own.

So I guess my questions to you guys are:
1. Is he obligated to give me OW3's address (he has for all intents and purposes moved in with her)
2. Am I over-reacting to OW driving my kids around here, there and everywhere? If there was ever an accident, I swear I would kill him

MovingUpward posted 6/27/2013 08:39 AM

I don't know about Australia but where I live the parent has the right to know where their kids are living. And in my settlement, XW has to notify me of any change of address and visitation gets reviewed automatically if either party moves more than 5 miles.

peridot posted 6/27/2013 08:47 AM

I'm not sure how things work in Australia but here in my state we each have to provide our address if we move within 10 days. My XH pulled that shit. I told him he wasn't seeing the kids until he gave me an address. He gave it to me before the next visitation.

It doesn't matter what he or the OW want. He lives there and you have a right to know where your kids are.

Clearview posted 6/27/2013 09:54 AM

I don't know how things work in Oz either, but if I were in your shoes, I would draw a firm line in the sand. No address = visitation in their own home only. Let him go to the court and explain himself.
I really don't see any judge in the western world ruling that you have no right to know where your children are.
Another alternative would be to have someone follow him or send the kids with a gps activated phone

Williesmom posted 6/27/2013 11:02 AM

I find it amusing that these OW's are bold enough to sleep with married men, but too chickenshit to give out their addresses to the BxW.

Nature_Girl posted 6/27/2013 11:30 AM

No way. No way that you should not know where your children are. YOUR CHILDREN! You have the legal & moral right to know where your own children are. These are not inanimate objects. They are not pets. They are human beings. Your children. You are their mother. You get to know where they are. If there's ever an emergency you NEED to know where they are.

As for the OW driving them, you may or may not be able to address this. If I were you I'd be looking the OW up on in a paid database to see if she has a criminal history or a history of major traffic violations.

Snapdragon posted 6/27/2013 12:39 PM

1. Is he obligated to give me OW3's address (he has for all intents and purposes moved in with her)

He is obligated to give you the address where he is taking the children during his parenting time. OW's wishes are not relevant here. If she doesn't want you to have her address then she should not be living with a man with children.

2. Am I over-reacting to OW driving my kids around here, there and everywhere? If there was ever an accident, I swear I would kill him

Let this one go. Unless she has a bad driving record, of course. If you make a big deal out of this then it will come back to bite you in the ass someday when your SO helps you out by driving the kids somewhere.

Amazonia posted 6/27/2013 12:47 PM

2. Am I over-reacting to OW driving my kids around here, there and everywhere? If there was ever an accident, I swear I would kill him

I would start to think this was more of an issue if, say, he was out of town during his visitation and OW watched your kids overnight when you thought he had them.

Kajem posted 6/27/2013 13:10 PM

My XH tried NOT giving me his OW's address when he moved in with her. We were finalizing the agreement at that time. I had his PO Box address. When we filed I still did NOT have his physical address. When we went before the judge for finalizing. The judge asked him if his living quarters were a bit small? X didn't know what he meant. Judge told him to give his assistant a physical address. Then the judge asked me if I had it. 'No'. Judge basically told him... If mama doesn't have the address- she can refuse your request for visitation.

I always got an address... it was always at the last minute, but I got an address.

And it went vice versa, If I was taking the kids on vacation, and did not give him an address, he could refuse to let them go with me.

If something happened to him, YOU need to know where to get your kids.

As far as her driving them around ... as long as she is a safe driver, driving a safe car with enough seat belts, carseats for your kids ... I doubt you can do much about it. I understand the feelings. XH never picked his kids up on picked his kids up on friday night OW did.

But when I couldn't make a sunday pickup one night and XSO went to meet the girls, XH was livid. His attorney fired off a letter, and my attorney fired back... that since XH felt HE could designate another adult to do kid pickup. I opted to do the same.

Pick your battles here... remember what you want him to do for you... will you be comfortable doing back. I was careful with what information I would give him and her. Him I don't worry about.. OW is crazy.



tesla posted 6/27/2013 15:01 PM

My ex-shat pulled this shit with me. Finally, I told him to give me the stripper whore's address otherwise his son was not getting dropped off for visitation. (We had been doing the exchange at his parents' place, where I thought he had been living.)

fraeuken posted 6/27/2013 15:39 PM

Not sure how it works in Australia, but this would be a huge No No in California.

You are not overreacting. Frankly, if I was in your shoes I would pursue the court order and not let him see the kids until he comes to he senses, gives you the address and you have a proper parenting plan in place. Make sure you are doing this with a lawyer and maintain that you are doing this for the kids' safety and well-being.

As their mother you have more rights than some bimbo OW, sorry.

Bluebird26 posted 6/28/2013 01:14 AM

I am an Aussie

Do you have any official court consent orders about custody & the like?

If not you can request the information through a lawyer but they don't have to provide anything to you. Basically without orders they can do whatever they damn well please with the children, so can you, that includes leaving the country with them and not returning.

If you don't have court orders I would consider pursuing this option as it may save time later on. But saying this you have to be willing to take them to court over each breach of the orders. My ex likes to flaunt his 'power' all the time and breaks them continually. I am saving them up and will eventually report him to my lawyer to start proceedings. I have to wait until there is enough breaches to proceed to be worth the cost if you know what I mean.

I have in my consent orders that we both have to provide the other parent a new address/phone numbers etc 7 days prior even if it is only temporary.

But as far as the OW is concerned there isn't much you can do about this unless you have it in your court orders saying who can or can't look after the children. Or the OW has a proven criminal record. Pick your battles, as view it from the other way around would you like him dictating who can drive the kids around whilst they are in your care.

Feel free to PM if you have any other ?? about consent orders & parenting plans. Australian law is pretty weak in this area.

AussieMum posted 6/29/2013 05:54 AM

Quick update - met STBX to drop off the children for the weekend and asked him if he had written down the address for me. No, of course he hadn't. He had a face like thunder and yelled at me 'stop telling me what to do!! I'm sick of it'. And off he drove.

Calling my lawyer first thing on Monday. He'll be getting the letter giving him 7 days to supply OW's address or it will be the subject of a court order.

Hating him

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