Today was their planned day for that. They had some BS work related lie and they could.not.wait! There was sext after sext counting down the days until today with descriptive details about what they wanted to do to eachother and how many times they could fit it in.
I sit here and wonder what today would have been like for me had I not found out 2.5 weeks ago. How would he have acted when he got home tonight, a little lighter in his step and cheery or maybe even a little moodier or angry with me? The possibilities are endless.
I also sit here now wondering how much the two of them are daydreaming about what today should have been, had I not ruined it for them.
I effing hate today.
Your post made me sad, though. It's what I would have been doing if I were in your shoes.
Big Huggs to you (OC18)
BTW - I hate your username. You are NEITHER
Away you will go, sailing in a race among the ruins.
If you plan to face tomorrow, do it soon. Gordon Lightfoot
I am so sorry. I know this will be a vicious day for you with regard to mind movies and reliving all the text you have read.
Please try to be kind to yourself. Try to get out and do something, anything.
How is WH responding to your hurt?
We are here for you.
(((hugs and prayers)))
Are you in IC?
That was what saved me from completely losing my mind after d-day.
I had access to many emails (the MOW's BH gave them to me) and they were very graphic as well.
They spanned years of the LTA and they were very similar to what you describe.
MOW was also a co-worker and they got together at work conferences etc.
Many of the emails were in anticipation of the next conference which could have been months away.
So...months of emails describing what he/she would do to each other.
I think that the anticipation was a big part of the excitement.
The big build up.
It's all smoke and mirrors.
They lie to each other,try to impress each other and flatter each other and then get into this graphic sexual one- upmanship.
Any way you look at it -it's a sick, toxic relationship.
Not based at all on reality.
That being said....I can only imagine what you are going through.
I was a mess for months after d-day.
Please try to take care of yourself.
Have you considered IC?
SI is great but you need someone to talk to IRL too.
Does OW's husband know what she has been up to??
I don't blame you for hating today. I only hope that you can make decisions that are best for you, with or without him. Take care.
Twitchy, thank you for hating my name :) And you are right, I am not old or a cow, I am actually quite pretty and in shape(I'm forcing myself to tell myself these things more and more). The name comes from that movie Someone Like You, she goes into a long theory about why men cheat, it stuck with me.
Hang in there...
My FWH went totally NC with the OW immediately after d-day.
A 5 yr LTA and then nothing as soon as it was discovered.
I also get exactly how you feel. My WH and his MOW shared raunchy skype chats and traded naked photos.
However, WH and MOW had a PA also. Because MOW lives 1000s of miles away, they only spent a grand total of 12 days together. BUT that didn't stop them from declaring each other their soulmates and planning their lives together!
I got to read all the gory details (skype logs) 5 days before he was supposed to leave for their next in person meeting. It was supposed to be at a work conference and they were "coming out" as a couple. Their plan was, he wasn't coming back home after he left.
Oddly enough though, the minute I found out, Wh threw MOW under the bus. WH even threw it in reverse and backed over her, leaving her stranded at their meeting location without a hotel to stay in.
Then WH drove the bus forward and left her stranded in another city with no hotel, because after the conference she was supposed to fly to the city he was going to work at and stay with him a few days there before flying home. Her airline tickets were already purchased and she had no choice but to fly to the second city and get a hotel room. And trust me, this is not a place for tourist stuff.
What would your WH have been like if you hadn't caught him? He would have instantaneously changed. He would have hated himself. He would have had to start demonizing you to convince himself what he was doing was justified. And he would have had to escalate the relationship with his MOW in order to justify it.
Just last night we were talking and my WH said that sex with MOW was actually disappointing. He had to pretend to not notice the scars and stretch marks all over her bad boob job, the belly fat and no waist (he likes a tiny waist) and the giant bat wings on her arms. So why did he continue?
It was the chatting. WH was in a clinical depression (diagnosed and refusing medication) and was looking for a stimulus that made him feel something. He liked the raunchy chatting.
He created a fantasy that MOW was some wonderful soulmate and that he loved her in order to relieve his guilt.
But he was in love with a fantasy, projected on to MOW. She could have been anyone. He ended up with her because she was willing to be dehumanized and treated like a pornographic sex toy. He even told her once she could make a career of being a phone sex operator. Nice compliment huh?
WH claims he never wanted to leave me and he NEVER wanted to be married to MOW.
He felt he had to escalate (say nice things, tell her he loved her, promise her a future together) the relationship with MOW because she wanted it and he wanted the sex chats to continue AND because he had to justify in his mind the cheating. If it's love it's ok.
Sounds twisted, but he never wanted the person. Just the online porn.
I doubt your WH is daydreaming about her.
My experience was similar - although nowhere nearly as bad. The sexting was all day for weeks, but I only caught the last hundred or so...
I don't know how I would've handled knowing they'd picked a specific day, or how you're dealing with it at all... Does your WH understand how today must be for you? Is he being supportive?
I'm almost 8 months out and I've been reading/posting here for quite a bit of that time. Hope this place will help you the way it's helped a lot of us. You have lots of support and insight here.
Oh, and I agree with Twitchy - I don't like your username either! I highly doubt you're either!
It ain't easy, but it seems to get better.
I am happy you have found out, but keep open eyes. I too found an EA, confronted him, and got the appropriate response. Then, with a crying, sobbing plea from the ho, they took it underground and had a 3 month PA within 6 weeks of the EA DDay.
You have to stay strong and let him know you will not crumble. Do something good today and let tomorrow be the start of being in charge of your life, wherever you decide to take it.
I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.
Just know your amazing and he is stupid!!!!!
Although WH and "the troll" as I like to call her, didn't actually have sex, they did have a PA that included everything else, oral, etc, although only a handlful of times... Ick.
You have a recent Dday. Be prepared to find out it was full sex and unprotected.
Are you sure they were planning a first? Or just a very special day of sex?
I don't think I have read a story on SI where the WS didn't minimize and trickle truth. It is always more than they admit to.
I can guarantee you that her husband does NOT know.
Take those 38 pages of the idiocy these two engaged in, and SHARE it with her husband.
There's nothing like a cold dose of REALITY to slap these back into real life.
You'll regret not telling him because the chances are pretty high these two will just go further underground to keep from being caught by you again. TELL HER HUSBAND - whatever dirty little plans they may have been hatching will be nipped in the bud when HE gets involved.