Perverted Happy Pants is both passive aggressive and narcissistic and the combination is devastating to be on the receiving end. He's other things too, that were hidden over many years.
He was/is so passive that he had me to tears with problems before he would fix them. Now he has told his lawyer and friends who will listen, "my wife is an emotional mess and I can't fix her." It was a horrible cycle neither of us recognized and when I tried to point it out during false R, when he was "done" being false, he made horrible fun of my efforts ...and the marriage counselor, who recognized it the second visit.
The very first thing that would be my opinion is two-fold. If there is any possible way on earth to get anything done without your wh's "help", do it that way!!!! This is what I do in my 'new life' and though it takes even longer to get to any finish lines, I always have a feeling of pride in completing a problem or task without him.
Yes, the blame-shifting was so powerful it almost had me convinced, but it's one benefit of counseling I didn't know about prior to going. I have two separate counselors now who can vouch for me and said they will if he comes at me with any more.
Yes, Perv/Happy Pants matches the description of your WH, What to do, and I think it's why he never hired a lawyer before I did, nor was he going to. He would have just eaten cake for decades.
I don't think you have to tell him, if you're too nervous and could make it the beginning of yourself learning to be covert, as I am in the processing of doing. It's messing with my head to be covert from my own spouse, but every time I am not, it's a lesson I learn.
Perv/Happy Pants saved up hostilities from apparently 20 years ago, even, never told me even one of them, until he had met OW and planned his exit. Then they came out like bullets from a gun, spitting and spewing at me as if she had probably pumped him with courage to do it.
He was not ever going to talk about them and try to fix it and some of them I still blink and shake my head at how asinine and easy to fix they would be.
This is passive aggression, though, he needed someone to give him the courage against me to get the passive part out and she provided that.
Sorry to write too long about me, I was just trying to give an example or two without being general or labeling.
I wish you luck through this part. I did it recently and it tore me apart inside, even with all that I knew he had done without a care.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Henry Ford invented cars to pick uo girls. Damon Wayne