SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

stungbytravel posted 6/27/2013 09:04 AM

How long did you all wait?

He is finally out of the house and I really have mixed feelings on that but I now see things about him that truly show the nature of his character. I don't know why I never saw them before but I don't know if I could ever be with him again, he has handled stuff so poorly that and so disrespectfully that although painful I am contemplating just filing now

Williesmom posted 6/27/2013 09:06 AM

I filed on June 20, 2009. It was final 5 months later. Once I made the decision to file, I was DONE.

Amazonia posted 6/27/2013 09:08 AM

My state has a 6 month mandatory waiting period. That was more than enough time for me to be ready to file. We separated in the spring, I filed 6 months and 2 days later, court date was about 3 weeks after that, and it was final immediately.

Shockedman posted 6/27/2013 09:18 AM

I am only 35 days out since d-day and am getting ready to file. It is a personal decision and not one to be taken lightly. Most people here on SI would agree that not making a rash decision is best. I would wait at least a month, but if you know in your heart it is over, then file. In most states there is a waiting period. In my state it is 90 days, so if you file, you will have to wait some time before it is official, so if he turns a corner and you change your mind, you can always drop it.

Sad in AZ posted 6/27/2013 10:07 AM

Arizona has a 61-day waiting period from filing to the the final order. There is no waiting time to file.

ETA: It takes time for the papers to be drawn and served, then the defendant has time to answer (I think 10 days, but not sure). I told the atty to file in early November and the decree was signed on March 21st.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 10:09 AM, June 27th (Thursday)]

h0peless posted 6/27/2013 10:12 AM

I waited four months but I wish I hadn't. There is a 61 day waiting period between filing and final decree in AZ but my completely uncontested divorce wound up taking closer to 100 because of a paperwork error.

[This message edited by h0peless at 10:13 AM, June 27th (Thursday)]

residencywife93 posted 6/27/2013 14:13 PM

I'm only four weeks out tomorrow- we are currently seperated but talking about divorce now. I don't think either of us knows what we want... That's the hard part. Living apart and trying to rebuild a horrific situation is so taxing and terrible. I don't know if either of us will be ready to do anything this year- not to mention within the next month. Do you think that's normal?

lieshurt posted 6/27/2013 14:17 PM

Once I made the decision to file, I was DONE.

Me too. I filed in March and in May it was final. Thank goodness because I'd be in prison for murder otherwise

hill posted 6/27/2013 15:08 PM

I am a little bit of an anomaly here on SI.

I called around for attorneys the day after D-day. I kicked him out that morning. We had been together 13 years, married 8. We didn't have children though, so that made it easier. I didn't take the decision lightly, but in my heart of hearts I knew I was done and the damage irreparable.

I never looked back... filed as soon as I could, but it still took nearly 2 years for it all to be finalized.

[This message edited by hill at 3:09 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]

doggiemom12 posted 6/27/2013 16:06 PM

As soon as we hired mediators I filed within 48 hours. They took care of serving him. Best thing I ever did.

The paralegal said she had never had anyone do the paperwork so fast.

Vulcanized posted 6/27/2013 18:21 PM

I left him to give him the impetus to pull his head out of his rump.

After 1 1/2 years of S, I pressured him to D. He filed, at OW's demand (I think), yet did nothing to push it along. Ultimately, I had to make it happen.

Yesterday was 3 months since D was final. All told, 3 year S, 3.5 years since DD.

If you think you can't work past it, save yourself the time and grief and file immediately. Wish I'd have saved myself the last 3 years.

Nature_Girl posted 6/27/2013 18:24 PM

Our separation started the day I had him served the D papers. But that was a year and a half ago. This D is draging on & on & on...

Ashland13 posted 6/27/2013 20:15 PM

I did it a few months ago, though he's been gone over a year. I did not know the full extent of what he had done and it took a long time to go wrap my brain around all that he did. It was so unbelievable at first, like a movie that it was hard to believe it was HIM, if that makes any sense.

Then he tricked me one last time and it was only a few months after that, because of the magnitude of deceit with false R on top of the rest.

And, I had to prove to myself that he really had ruined everything and there was not one thing left at all...not one shred. He made sure of that.

nowiknow23 posted 6/27/2013 20:23 PM

D was final 5.5 months after dday.

AussieMum posted 6/27/2013 21:44 PM

Here in Australia, you have to be separated for 12 months before you can file for divorce. 6 months down, 6 to go - sigh.

dumped&replaced posted 6/27/2013 22:04 PM

I found out he was having an affair on a Monday...talked to a lawyer on Friday (after moving our first kid to college BY MYSELF) and actually filed for divorce 2 weeks later...so 3 weeks basically.

We were still living together in the our marital home with our youngest son at the time but he was continuing to meet his girlfriend at the hotel down the street during this time period...so yeah, I guess u could call that "Separated".

All I can say is that NO you do NOT want to make a rash decision.

That being said, I pretty much learned all I needed to know in that 3 week period by looking through credit card and bank statements because the EX never did and never will be honest with me or anyone else in his life if he thinks you will get mad at him...wah wah wah. And he did not seem all that sorry for what he did...only that he caught.

I have not for one second regretted my decision.. and from reading the heartbreaking stories of so many here on this website, I am eternally grateful to God for gently nudging me early on to just let it go.

There is no "fixing" a narcissist. And my life is a thousand times better now...of course I am almost 2 years out from dday too...it takes ALOT of hard work and constant effort not to fall into self pity...to become strong and realize that YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE...the transition sucks but the end result? PRICELESS

I wish you all the best - listen to your heart....hugs

trebleclef posted 6/27/2013 22:53 PM

I waited 8 months after we separated to file - in case there was a miracle. There wasn't. It has taken 14 months for the divorce to go through ( thanks to a dithering, incompetent attorney) but I got the word TODAY that it has finally been granted. 31 days now to wait for the official certificates and then it's history.

Bluebird26 posted 6/27/2013 23:21 PM

Here it is 12 months & 1 day separation before you can file the divorce papers. On that date I went and got the paperwork notarised and sent it off. It was then about another 6 months before the court hearing for the divorce and then another month & one day before it was finalised. A really long time.....

homewrecked2011 posted 6/28/2013 03:00 AM

What I understand is that until you file for divorce AND they are served, then they can spend money, cancel life ins policies, or w/d money and there is nothing you can do about it. HE CAN ALSO WALK BACK IN THE DOOR AND SAY, "Ive changed my mind".

I also found out later that I could have had a lot of govt assistance bc there was not a formal spousal agreement yet. I would have gotten $580 mo food stamps. It would have helped me out so much bc I could not hold a job at the time, and I was barely able to feed the children.

ninebark posted 6/28/2013 06:59 AM

It is a one year waiting period here. I didn't have the money right away so I actually waited 2 years and am finally ready finanically to file now. Of course I didn't realize it would cost me as little as it did or I would have filed sooner. I have a great lawyer..lol.