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Newest Member: JSHockey (61869)

User Topic: Time between separation and divorce
♀ 37225
Member # 37225
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long did you all wait?

He is finally out of the house and I really have mixed feelings on that but I now see things about him that truly show the nature of his character. I don't know why I never saw them before but I don't know if I could ever be with him again, he has handled stuff so poorly that and so disrespectfully that although painful I am contemplating just filing now

Posts: 264 | Registered: Oct 2012
♀ 22870
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I filed on June 20, 2009. It was final 5 months later. Once I made the decision to file, I was DONE.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 9177 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
♀ 32810
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My state has a 6 month mandatory waiting period. That was more than enough time for me to be ready to file. We separated in the spring, I filed 6 months and 2 days later, court date was about 3 weeks after that, and it was final immediately.

"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 14452 | Registered: Jul 2011
♂ 39376
Member # 39376
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am only 35 days out since d-day and am getting ready to file. It is a personal decision and not one to be taken lightly. Most people here on SI would agree that not making a rash decision is best. I would wait at least a month, but if you know in your heart it is over, then file. In most states there is a waiting period. In my state it is 90 days, so if you file, you will have to wait some time before it is official, so if he turns a corner and you change your mind, you can always drop it.

Posts: 104 | Registered: May 2013
Sad in AZ
♀ 24239
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Arizona has a 61-day waiting period from filing to the the final order. There is no waiting time to file.

ETA: It takes time for the papers to be drawn and served, then the defendant has time to answer (I think 10 days, but not sure). I told the atty to file in early November and the decree was signed on March 21st.

[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 10:09 AM, June 27th (Thursday)]

You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.

Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
Him: WXH-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011

Posts: 25302 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
♂ 36697
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I waited four months but I wish I hadn't. There is a 61 day waiting period between filing and final decree in AZ but my completely uncontested divorce wound up taking closer to 100 because of a paperwork error.

[This message edited by h0peless at 10:13 AM, June 27th (Thursday)]

Posts: 2980 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
♀ 39695
Member # 39695
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm only four weeks out tomorrow- we are currently seperated but talking about divorce now. I don't think either of us knows what we want... That's the hard part. Living apart and trying to rebuild a horrific situation is so taxing and terrible. I don't know if either of us will be ready to do anything this year- not to mention within the next month. Do you think that's normal?

Me: BS 27
Him: WH 27
Married 9/3/11
Together since 10/2006
DDay 5/28/13
Filed 7/22/13

Lacing up my nikes and running west!

Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013
♀ 14003
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once I made the decision to file, I was DONE.

Me too. I filed in March and in May it was final. Thank goodness because I'd be in prison for murder otherwise

A wise woman once said "fuck this shit" and she lived happily ever after.

If someone keeps stabbing you in the back, then quit handing them the knife.

Posts: 17677 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 12166
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a little bit of an anomaly here on SI.

I called around for attorneys the day after D-day. I kicked him out that morning. We had been together 13 years, married 8. We didn't have children though, so that made it easier. I didn't take the decision lightly, but in my heart of hearts I knew I was done and the damage irreparable.

I never looked back... filed as soon as I could, but it still took nearly 2 years for it all to be finalized.

[This message edited by hill at 3:09 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]

Posts: 3163 | Registered: Sep 2006
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As soon as we hired mediators I filed within 48 hours. They took care of serving him. Best thing I ever did.

The paralegal said she had never had anyone do the paperwork so fast.

White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
♀ 33523
Member # 33523
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I left him to give him the impetus to pull his head out of his rump.

After 1 1/2 years of S, I pressured him to D. He filed, at OW's demand (I think), yet did nothing to push it along. Ultimately, I had to make it happen.

Yesterday was 3 months since D was final. All told, 3 year S, 3.5 years since DD.

If you think you can't work past it, save yourself the time and grief and file immediately. Wish I'd have saved myself the last 3 years.

Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now: happy in life, happily in love with the RIGHT man -----> Everything is as it should be

Posts: 940 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: The Hostile City
♀ 32554
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our separation started the day I had him served the D papers. But that was a year and a half ago. This D is draging on & on & on...

Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!

Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
♀ 38378
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did it a few months ago, though he's been gone over a year. I did not know the full extent of what he had done and it took a long time to go wrap my brain around all that he did. It was so unbelievable at first, like a movie that it was hard to believe it was HIM, if that makes any sense.

Then he tricked me one last time and it was only a few months after that, because of the magnitude of deceit with false R on top of the rest.

And, I had to prove to myself that he really had ruined everything and there was not one thing left at all...not one shred. He made sure of that.

Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington

Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
♀ 33226
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 8:23 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D was final 5.5 months after dday.

You can call me NIK

And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane

Posts: 40250 | Registered: Aug 2011
♀ 36579
Member # 36579
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here in Australia, you have to be separated for 12 months before you can file for divorce. 6 months down, 6 to go - sigh.

Me 47
ExH 51
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS13 & DD8)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14

Posts: 185 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 34288
Member # 34288
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found out he was having an affair on a Monday...talked to a lawyer on Friday (after moving our first kid to college BY MYSELF) and actually filed for divorce 2 weeks 3 weeks basically.

We were still living together in the our marital home with our youngest son at the time but he was continuing to meet his girlfriend at the hotel down the street during this time yeah, I guess u could call that "Separated".

All I can say is that NO you do NOT want to make a rash decision.

That being said, I pretty much learned all I needed to know in that 3 week period by looking through credit card and bank statements because the EX never did and never will be honest with me or anyone else in his life if he thinks you will get mad at him...wah wah wah. And he did not seem all that sorry for what he did...only that he caught.

I have not for one second regretted my decision.. and from reading the heartbreaking stories of so many here on this website, I am eternally grateful to God for gently nudging me early on to just let it go.

There is no "fixing" a narcissist. And my life is a thousand times better now...of course I am almost 2 years out from dday takes ALOT of hard work and constant effort not to fall into self become strong and realize that YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE...the transition sucks but the end result? PRICELESS

I wish you all the best - listen to your heart....hugs

Dday: 8/22/11
Divorce final: 10/6/12 - my 22nd wedding anniversary
Married: 21 years, together 23 years
BS: 51
WS: 47
2 awesome sons, ages 19 & 20

Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: PA
♀ 33488
Member # 33488
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I waited 8 months after we separated to file - in case there was a miracle. There wasn't. It has taken 14 months for the divorce to go through ( thanks to a dithering, incompetent attorney) but I got the word TODAY that it has finally been granted. 31 days now to wait for the official certificates and then it's history.

True remorse isn't followed by a "but".

Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here it is 12 months & 1 day separation before you can file the divorce papers. On that date I went and got the paperwork notarised and sent it off. It was then about another 6 months before the court hearing for the divorce and then another month & one day before it was finalised. A really long time.....

Me: BW

Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.

Life's good.

Posts: 1530 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
♀ 34678
Member # 34678
Default  Posted: 3:00 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I understand is that until you file for divorce AND they are served, then they can spend money, cancel life ins policies, or w/d money and there is nothing you can do about it. HE CAN ALSO WALK BACK IN THE DOOR AND SAY, "Ive changed my mind".

I also found out later that I could have had a lot of govt assistance bc there was not a formal spousal agreement yet. I would have gotten $580 mo food stamps. It would have helped me out so much bc I could not hold a job at the time, and I was barely able to feed the children.

Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child.
Dday 12/19/11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!
D final10/30/2012

Posts: 4165 | Registered: Jan 2012
♀ 24534
Member # 24534
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is a one year waiting period here. I didn't have the money right away so I actually waited 2 years and am finally ready finanically to file now. Of course I didn't realize it would cost me as little as it did or I would have filed sooner. I have a great

BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
D-day 06/21/09
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.

Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

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