Topic: Time between separation and divorce
Member # 37225
| Posted: 9:04 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
How long did you all wait?
He is finally out of the house and I really have mixed feelings on that but I now see things about him that truly show the nature of his character. I don't know why I never saw them before but I don't know if I could ever be with him again, he has handled stuff so poorly that and so disrespectfully that although painful I am contemplating just filing now
Posts: 264 | Registered: Oct 2012
Member # 22870
| Posted: 9:06 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
I filed on June 20, 2009. It was final 5 months later. Once I made the decision to file, I was DONE.
You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright
Posts: 9146 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
Member # 32810
| Posted: 9:08 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
My state has a 6 month mandatory waiting period. That was more than enough time for me to be ready to file. We separated in the spring, I filed 6 months and 2 days later, court date was about 3 weeks after that, and it was final immediately.
"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ
Posts: 14444 | Registered: Jul 2011
Member # 39376
| Posted: 9:18 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
I am only 35 days out since d-day and am getting ready to file. It is a personal decision and not one to be taken lightly. Most people here on SI would agree that not making a rash decision is best. I would wait at least a month, but if you know in your heart it is over, then file. In most states there is a waiting period. In my state it is 90 days, so if you file, you will have to wait some time before it is official, so if he turns a corner and you change your mind, you can always drop it.
Posts: 104 | Registered: May 2013
|Sad in AZ|
Member # 24239
| Posted: 10:07 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
Arizona has a 61-day waiting period from filing to the the final order. There is no waiting time to file.
ETA: It takes time for the papers to be drawn and served, then the defendant has time to answer (I think 10 days, but not sure). I told the atty to file in early November and the decree was signed on March 21st.
[This message edited by Sad in AZ at 10:09 AM, June 27th (Thursday)]
You are important and you matter. Your feelings matter. Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters. Always.
Me: FBS (no longer betrayed nor a spouse)-62
D-day: 2007 (two years before finding SI)
S: 6/2010; D: 3/2011
Posts: 25300 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Arizona
Member # 36697
| Posted: 10:12 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
I waited four months but I wish I hadn't. There is a 61 day waiting period between filing and final decree in AZ but my completely uncontested divorce wound up taking closer to 100 because of a paperwork error.
[This message edited by h0peless at 10:13 AM, June 27th (Thursday)]
Posts: 2921 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Member # 39695
| Posted: 2:13 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
I'm only four weeks out tomorrow- we are currently seperated but talking about divorce now. I don't think either of us knows what we want... That's the hard part. Living apart and trying to rebuild a horrific situation is so taxing and terrible. I don't know if either of us will be ready to do anything this year- not to mention within the next month. Do you think that's normal?
Me: BS 27
Him: WH 27
Together since 10/2006
Lacing up my nikes and running west!
Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013
Member # 14003
| Posted: 2:17 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
Once I made the decision to file, I was DONE.
Me too. I filed in March and in May it was final. Thank goodness because I'd be in prison for murder otherwise
A wise woman once said "fuck this shit" and she lived happily ever after.
If you want them to quit stabbing you in the back, then you need to quit handing them the knife.
Posts: 17040 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Member # 12166
| Posted: 3:08 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
I am a little bit of an anomaly here on SI.
I called around for attorneys the day after D-day. I kicked him out that morning. We had been together 13 years, married 8. We didn't have children though, so that made it easier. I didn't take the decision lightly, but in my heart of hearts I knew I was done and the damage irreparable.
I never looked back... filed as soon as I could, but it still took nearly 2 years for it all to be finalized.
[This message edited by hill at 3:09 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]
Posts: 3163 | Registered: Sep 2006
Member # 36041
| Posted: 4:06 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
As soon as we hired mediators I filed within 48 hours. They took care of serving him. Best thing I ever did.
The paralegal said she had never had anyone do the paperwork so fast.
White bird must fly or she will die . . .
Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Member # 33523
| Posted: 6:21 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
I left him to give him the impetus to pull his head out of his rump.
After 1 1/2 years of S, I pressured him to D. He filed, at OW's demand (I think), yet did nothing to push it along. Ultimately, I had to make it happen.
Yesterday was 3 months since D was final. All told, 3 year S, 3.5 years since DD.
If you think you can't work past it, save yourself the time and grief and file immediately. Wish I'd have saved myself the last 3 years.
Me: fBW/MH 40s
3.26.13: Liberation day: D'd the whiny turd after being saddled with a serial cheating, NPD, jitbag 10 years too long
Now: happy in life, happily in love with the RIGHT man -----> Everything is as it should be
Posts: 940 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: The Hostile City
Member # 32554
| Posted: 6:24 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
Our separation started the day I had him served the D papers. But that was a year and a half ago. This D is draging on & on & on...
Me = BS
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
Posts: 10722 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Member # 38378
| Posted: 8:15 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
I did it a few months ago, though he's been gone over a year. I did not know the full extent of what he had done and it took a long time to go wrap my brain around all that he did. It was so unbelievable at first, like a movie that it was hard to believe it was HIM, if that makes any sense.
Then he tricked me one last time and it was only a few months after that, because of the magnitude of deceit with false R on top of the rest.
And, I had to prove to myself that he really had ruined everything and there was not one thing left at all...not one shred. He made sure of that.
A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess
Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.
Posts: 3034 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Member # 33226
| Posted: 8:23 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
D was final 5.5 months after dday.
You can call me NIK
And never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be.
― Sarah McMane
Posts: 40162 | Registered: Aug 2011
Member # 36579
| Posted: 9:44 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
Here in Australia, you have to be separated for 12 months before you can file for divorce. 6 months down, 6 to go - sigh.
EA Jun-Aug 12 (OW1)FB flirting and then EA/PA with OW2 (Aug-Dec 12). New OW Jan 13, introduced her to the kids immediately.
Married 10 years, together 14yrs
2 kids (DS13 & DD8)
Separated Jan 13. Divorced Jun 14
Posts: 185 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 34288
| Posted: 10:04 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
I found out he was having an affair on a Monday...talked to a lawyer on Friday (after moving our first kid to college BY MYSELF) and actually filed for divorce 2 weeks later...so 3 weeks basically.
We were still living together in the our marital home with our youngest son at the time but he was continuing to meet his girlfriend at the hotel down the street during this time period...so yeah, I guess u could call that "Separated".
All I can say is that NO you do NOT want to make a rash decision.
That being said, I pretty much learned all I needed to know in that 3 week period by looking through credit card and bank statements because the EX never did and never will be honest with me or anyone else in his life if he thinks you will get mad at him...wah wah wah. And he did not seem all that sorry for what he did...only that he caught.
I have not for one second regretted my decision.. and from reading the heartbreaking stories of so many here on this website, I am eternally grateful to God for gently nudging me early on to just let it go.
There is no "fixing" a narcissist. And my life is a thousand times better now...of course I am almost 2 years out from dday too...it takes ALOT of hard work and constant effort not to fall into self pity...to become strong and realize that YOU ARE WORTH SO MUCH MORE...the transition sucks but the end result? PRICELESS
I wish you all the best - listen to your heart....hugs
Divorce final: 10/6/12 - my 22nd wedding anniversary
Married: 21 years, together 23 years
2 awesome sons, ages 19 & 20
Posts: 198 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: PA
Member # 33488
| Posted: 10:53 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
I waited 8 months after we separated to file - in case there was a miracle. There wasn't. It has taken 14 months for the divorce to go through ( thanks to a dithering, incompetent attorney) but I got the word TODAY that it has finally been granted. 31 days now to wait for the official certificates and then it's history.
True remorse isn't followed by a "but".
Posts: 1809 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: Alberta
Member # 36445
| Posted: 11:21 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013|
Here it is 12 months & 1 day separation before you can file the divorce papers. On that date I went and got the paperwork notarised and sent it off. It was then about another 6 months before the court hearing for the divorce and then another month & one day before it was finalised. A really long time.....
Best thing I gained in my divorce - my freedom.
Posts: 1530 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Member # 34678
| Posted: 3:00 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013|
What I understand is that until you file for divorce AND they are served, then they can spend money, cancel life ins policies, or w/d money and there is nothing you can do about it. HE CAN ALSO WALK BACK IN THE DOOR AND SAY, "Ive changed my mind".
I also found out later that I could have had a lot of govt assistance bc there was not a formal spousal agreement yet. I would have gotten $580 mo food stamps. It would have helped me out so much bc I could not hold a job at the time, and I was barely able to feed the children.
Sometimes He calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage, but calms His child.
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day. Shocked the hell out of him, with D papers, I'm proud to say!
Posts: 4050 | Registered: Jan 2012
Member # 24534
| Posted: 6:59 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013|
It is a one year waiting period here. I didn't have the money right away so I actually waited 2 years and am finally ready finanically to file now. Of course I didn't realize it would cost me as little as it did or I would have filed sooner. I have a great lawyer..lol.
BS (me) 40
WH - 48
Married 12 years
DS - 12
Separated....hopefully divorcing soon.
Posts: 630 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Canada
|Topic Posts: 22|