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Newest Member: W2MNL (46024)

User Topic: Never thought we could be this happy
OptimisticWife
♀ 36587
Member # 36587
Content  Posted: 9:55 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H's birthday is this weekend and we are both excited about traveling down to the coast for a relaxing weekend alone.

Things have been going so well for us lately and I'm starting to really believe that this new marriage we are building is here to stay!

The growth my H has shown in the last 6 months especially, has been nothing short of incredible!
I have spent decades hoping this day would come. Now that its here, it is exceeding my hopes and dreams.

I feel like I have accepted his A. If I sit and really think about it of course it still hurts but I have accepted it happened. Triggers are just little reminders now that I can acknowledge and move past quite quickly. We both acknowledge each others triggers when we identify them with a loving look, a gentle hug or hand squeeze. I feel my H is remorseful and trying beyond expectations to help me heal.

I can see all the work he is doing in IC. I can see how he is letting his walls down and being more open with me. He's becoming a better father to our children. For the first time in our relationship we can say we are best friends. I can talk to him about anything I am feeling and he responds with genuine interest and concern. He offers me support and comfort. Thankfully this response has replaced the defensiveness and blame shifting.

I do still think about the OW occasionally. The anger is not there anymore. I did get an apology from her a few months after my final D'day. She has left us alone since so I am feeling that her apology was genuine. It shouldn't matter but I think it has helped.

I don't know if we would have ever worked so hard on our M if it hadn't have been for his A. I wish we had of done the work before it got to the point it did but this is our path and that's ok. We will strive in spite of that.

My H is very disappointed in himself for the choices he made. He told me he misses the days where I could honestly say that I never had any fear of him ever cheating. He said he wishes he never destroyed that blind trust. He's still working through his guilt in IC. I find it odd that the one who chose the A is finding it harder to accept his choices. I respect his feelings though and I will support him in his healing too. I know I am getting better because of the work I am doing for me but a big part has also been how my H is also helping me.

I am at a point now where I am starting to feel real joy again. I know our marriage is special to us both. I know that OW could not come close to breaking what we have (even when it was bad). We are just too connected. Our bond and our love is too strong. We both have learnt this in our healing.

If you're having a hard time please know that there are brighter days ahead. If the WS is truly remorseful and the BS is feeling validated and respected in the process of R then anything is possible.

I never thought I could be this happy again after having had my heart broken into so many tiny pieces. I thought I would have to learn to live with the pain but thankfully I was so wrong

My only dilemma now is what to get H for his birthday! I'm fast running out of time and nothing I can think of seems good enough!

Anyway, I just wanted to share a positive update to help balance out the pain we all share. Best wishes to you all.

[This message edited by OptimisticWife at 10:00 AM, June 27th (Thursday)]


Posts: 190 | Registered: Aug 2012
fourever
♀ 30631
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy for you! Keep going!!!


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 906 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
LA44
♀ 38384
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a wonderful post OpWife! I hope to be able to write this one day.

My H is doing all the things yours is doing. It's just a matter of it continuing - and his sincerity is such that I can't see why it would not - along w time as a healer.

Anyway, good luck w that gift! But I am certain your good heart is the gift he values most.


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2676 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
Skan
♀ 35812
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so thrilled for you. Thank you for sharing your happiness with us!


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 5219 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
sri624
♀ 33956
Member # 33956
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i am so happy for you...and thank you for taking the time to post such a hopeful story.

last night i wanted to scratch my husband's eyes out...and i went to bed crying....and this is even though he is remorseful.

i dont want to live with this pain forever...and your post gave me hope.

i still unfortunately, at this very moment, want to scratch his eyes out again.


BS (41):(Former Doormat)
WS (39):(Busted Cheater)
Married: 10 years, 3 kids under 5
DD1: 10/11 PA/EA with pilates instructor/former stripper.
DD2: 10/12 False r, cheating with other women, online dating,Substance abuse issues.
R:Last chance

Posts: 1039 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Alabama
catlover50
♀ 37154
Member # 37154
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, June 27th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you both! Have a great weekend!



Dday -9/24/2012
Reconciling

Posts: 1845 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: northeast
UKlady
♀ 39058
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 7:35 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow this is a great, uplifting post - thank you so much for sharing OptimisticWife!

Like LA44 said, I really hope to be able to write such a post in the future - my H is totally remorseful and doing all the right things to help us rebuild a new life together.


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Betrayed07
♀ 39650
Member # 39650
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, OptimisticWife! Your story is inspirational. It gives the rest of us hope, and thats what I need right now. Hoping I can write a post like this someday, too.

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
womaninflux
♀ 39667
Member # 39667
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, June 28th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great to hear! Encouraging for those of us who want the same thing.

Not to sound like a downer...but only time is going to tell whether or not both of you can keep it this way.

Have a nice weekend.


BS - mid-40's
SAWH - mid 40's
Kids - 2 elementary school aged
Getting tons of therapy and trying to "work it out"

Posts: 910 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 9

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