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Last stretch - venting

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BrokenDaisy posted 6/27/2013 11:02 AM

One month of in house separation left before my new beginning. (Hoping to get court date before end of July but at least I won't be living with fucktard anymore)

Today is a hard day. Living with an NPD sucks.

Survival tips? It's as if this last stretch is the hardest. Throwing me with all he's got.

I just want to start my damn new life and be done with this shit!!

gypsybird87 posted 6/27/2013 12:26 PM

Hi Daisy,

My in-house separation was brief, thankfully, but it was still the hardest part of the whole process. Especially since he was going on dates with OW each evening, and then coming "home" to me. Gag.

Two things that helped me the most:

1- claiming my OWN space in the house and making it absolutely off limits to him. In my case it was the master bedroom. He was already sleeping on the couch... so one day while he was at work I moved every single thing of his OUT of the master bedroom and down into his son's closet/room. Not one thing of his remained in the room and he had no excuse to enter. At night I kept the door closed and locked. All his bathroom items went into his son's bath as well, and they had to share for the remainder of his time here. I can't tell you how much better I felt once I did this.

And 2- I tried to view him (and his difficult teen son, whom I had to give up all pretense of trying to parent since XWH would no longer allow it) as out-of-town guests who were staying with me and would soon be leaving. Like distant family... whom I didn't know very well. This enabled me to manage daily "courtesy" but helped me stay a little more detached. I stopped concerning myself with their comings and goings, and tried to view it as their business was their business and mine was mine, and we were just sharing these accommodations temporarily.

In-house sucks... no way around it. I'm glad yours will be over soon. Hang in there!! HUGS!

BrokenDaisy posted 6/27/2013 14:54 PM

Thank you for the thoughtful response!

Luckily I claimed my own space soon after dday but as time goes on not even my own private space is enough anymore. I'm just so fed up.

I'll work on seeing him as a house guest. He's been super manipulative again so I need to work on stone-walling him.

I think it's because freedom is soooo close. My patience is running out fast. Thanks for listening! I'm glad your in house separation is behind you. Sounds like it was an awful situation too.

SBB posted 6/27/2013 17:54 PM

We came to an agreement about sharing the house. I would stay out until 1030pm when he had the house and vice-versa. When I had the house I'd go to bed just before he came back.

Unfortunately on his nights he would wait up for me and try to engage me in conversation. ANY conversation would do - didn't matter if it was banal banter or gloating about how fucked I was financially.

In False R he told me he just wanted to talk to me. He was desperate for any interaction and any interaction was good.

I asked why it didn't matter to him that it caused me an immense amount of pain. He said he didn't know - 'just selfish I guess'.

Deep breaths friend. Try to do things to keep yourself out of the house when he's there and ask him to stay out when you're there.

In-house was hell. Be glad that this is the last of it.

SBB posted 6/27/2013 17:54 PM

Double post.

[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 10:10 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]

gypsybird87 posted 6/27/2013 17:59 PM

Hi Daisy,

My XWH is an NPD too and the in-house definitely was horrible. One habit I was not able to break him of was his insistence on strolling around the house in his underwear! *shudder*

Hang in there and absolutely don't engage unless its essential regarding DS. Remember, his manipulation attempts require your participation in order to work. You know you won't win... so don't play. You wouldn't allow yourself to get emotionally wound up by a temporary (if aggravating!) roommate, and that's all he is now. (or least try to see him that way).

I know it's hard when freedom is so close but still seems so unaccessable. My dad gave me some good advice for the times when I was forced to interact with XWH. He said remember the goal of getting him OUT, and to choose all my words and actions accordingly. Grease the way, he said, don't throw up roadblocks, even when its tempting to do so. This advice helped me a lot.

Keep your eye on that prize, Daisy. You're almost there!

[This message edited by gypsybird87 at 6:16 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]

BrokenDaisy posted 6/28/2013 02:54 AM

Strongbutbroken that sounds like a good solution. I don't know how I'll manage to implement it with a 15 month old though. Unless I tell him to stay out every day until 10:30, haha. Thank you for the support! I already feel better today. It's hell but it's almost done. Just have to grit my teeth!

Gypsy you are right. I can definitely improve in not engaging with him. I think since it's the last stretch I have been slipping up more and more because I just want to get my say in too but I KNOW that gets me nowhere fast. Thanks for the reminder. I have been good at greasing the way until recently but boy you get sick of doing all the work but I try and remind myself for what I am doing it (my son and myself) I guess I just needed to vent and hear others managed to survive without going batshit crazy.

1 more month. Just one.

Thank you for the replies! I am mostly a lurker and struggle to put my thoughts out there so the kindness is appreciated!

SBB posted 6/28/2013 03:26 AM

I did it with an 18m old - he had to do pickup/dinner/bath/bed. Are you a SAHM? That would be harder but I'd suggest you head out after bubs goes to bed.

No dinners or mealtimes together - if he wants to eat dinner with his son let him prepare it and clean up. You go out.

You can do this hun. One more month.

BrokenDaisy posted 6/29/2013 12:38 PM

Yes I'm a SAHM but the biggest issue is I don't trust stbxwh with our son alone. At all. There's a reason I am getting full legal custody and all his visitations will be supervised. I suppose I can get a babysitter but that might just piss him off?

I stopped cooking for him long ago!

I appreciate your support! I'll just grit my teeth for this last bit. It's almost done

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