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He agreed to take the Poly

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livebythesea posted 6/27/2013 20:12 PM

He agreed, now he makes me feel like shit. Yes, that is his specialty. He can do that, twist my words inside out.

Now he says, he will take the test, then he will move out.

JustWow posted 6/27/2013 20:15 PM

Well, if he's gonna take it then move out, save the $450 and go buy a new Coach purse.

Emotional blackmail, what a brand new idea......

Remember....you're getting stronger

(((((livedbythesea))))))))

[This message edited by JustWow at 8:20 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]

Take2 posted 6/27/2013 20:20 PM

Ah, that is the line just before, "if you can't trust me than there is nothing left," and "forget it, why should I take the poly... I'm moving out anyway..."

Which in WS means -- No you definitely don't know it all!! I'm sorry, he is still choosing to protect himself over assuring you and allowing you to feel safe.

((livebythesea))

gonnabe2016 posted 6/27/2013 20:26 PM

Tell him to go fuck himself...

woundedby2 posted 6/27/2013 20:29 PM

Well, this is just another ploy to get you to give up on him taking the poly.

Tell him to go ahead and move out, and you will consider the need for a poly down the road if it looks like reconciliation is still a possibility for the two of you.

Be strong, and do not let him manipulate you.

ErinD posted 6/27/2013 20:31 PM

Sending hugs your way. I agree with justwow. If he is going to move out, take the money and get something u normally wouldn't buy for yourself. Spoil yourself.

livebythesea posted 6/27/2013 20:33 PM

If he loves me as much as he says he does, why on earth would he say "I'll take the test, then I will move out". Why on earth would he not agree to take the test before all this shit happened tonight. if he is telling me the truth, why not take the damm test. That is what I cant wrap my head around. And to him, now he is upset, and when he is upset, it lasts forever. He makes me feel guilty and the whole nine yard.

gonnabe2016 posted 6/27/2013 20:36 PM

why on earth would he say "I'll take the test, then I will move out"

Because he sucks.
He can't *give in* to you without turning around and exacting some type of punishment. He's attempting to retain control of the situation. After all, how dare you demand that he make himself a *small* man by taking a poly? Who in the world do YOU think that you are?

Again. Tell him to go fuck himself....

woundedby2 posted 6/27/2013 20:42 PM

if he is telling me the truth, why not take the damm test.

That right there is your answer in a nutshell.

He's a liar, and he's still lying.

JustWow posted 6/27/2013 20:54 PM

what woundedby2 said. EXACTLY.

He does not want to take the poly because he is still lying/hiding stuff. He is pulling out all his tricks to manipulate you into caving. No poly means he gets to keep lying and keep you, in his happy little head.

Missymomma posted 6/27/2013 20:54 PM

My WH didn't want to take the poly until he came totally clean. After that, he willingly took the poly.

Your WH hasn't come fully clean yet and is trying to manipulate you into giving in. Stand strong!

Athena1979 posted 6/27/2013 21:23 PM

He's Lying.

Honest person Wouldn't care.

Especially, if it means saving a marriage.

When you cheat, you lose the right of respect.

You lose the right to be trusted.

He owes you. You owe him nothing. Not respect, not trust.

He needs to earn that back.

He should pay for his own poly to start earning that trust back.

Jospehine85 posted 6/27/2013 23:09 PM

He is lying still. He does not want to take the poly. He is trying to intimidate you into backing down.

Call his bluff. Insist on the poly. Book it tomorrow.

If he would move out because you asked him to prove his honesty, you don't want him.

MoreThanMe posted 6/28/2013 00:18 AM

Call his bluff. And yes, if the poly shows he is lying- you'll kick his butt to the curb. Take control of the wheel!
p.s. dont forget to ask him if he needs help packing the suitcase he's taking to the poly.

I think I can posted 6/28/2013 06:38 AM

Now he says, he will take the test, then he will move out.

Ha! Classic. He's threatening you to get you to back down. Don't back down. Have you thought about what your questions will be?

Next move--the "parking lot confession". Just before the poly, he will tell you another tidbit, then tell you "that's all there is, I swear." DON'T back down. There will be more.

Good luck.

Getting the truth is important. But in order to start reconciliation, his attitude MUST change. He has to own his shit. This is his mess, that he made all by himself. He has to acknowledge that he chose to hurt you.

Lalagirl posted 6/28/2013 06:56 AM

Tell him to go fuck himself...

...then tell him to LET the door hit him square in his ass on the way out...

Asshat.

I'm so sorry LBTS...

Hugs,

Lala

jjct posted 6/28/2013 07:24 AM

Everyone has told you precisely what he is doing.
The reason he is doing it is to keep you off balance.
People who are off balance are more easily manipulated.

It worked - in the sense that you're posting here in confusion and doubt, and you can't wrap your mind around it.

Specifically, it's nonsense, & you will learn, deep inside, that you cannot make sense out of nonsense.

When you understand the purpose of practically everything he utters:
keeping you off balance,

then, in time, anything that issues outta his mouf will become white noise, like the roaring of the surf, and your inner-self will tell you;
"He's just trying to get me off balance."

Be strong.

Afraid2LoveAgain posted 6/28/2013 07:30 AM

Rather than taking the poly, I would recommend having a truth chip embedded in his cerebral cortex.

When he doesn't tell the truth, the chip causes his face to flush, heart rate to increase, and then choking begins.

It only takes a few tests before he will begin to tell the truth.

I'm pretty sure that you can find them on EBay or HSN.

NeverAgain2013 posted 6/28/2013 07:41 AM

You can choose to feel confused all you want - just don't drop the ball on making him actually own up to his shit.

As another suggested, I'd save the $450, kick his worthless lying manipulative ass out of the house, and go get me a Coach purse.

MystiKay posted 6/28/2013 09:26 AM

He cheated. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about. You are working on trying to save your relationship, it appears he is doing everything he can to stop that. you told him what you need, he isn't willing to do it, even though he kind of sort of told you he would.

He is blame shifting, and gas lighting and doing his best to turn his issues around. I am so sorry he is being such a jerk.

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