Forum Archives

Return to Forum List

Back from court ...

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

dmari posted 6/27/2013 22:35 PM

and I am pissed and sick of this shit.

I just erased all what I wrote because when it comes down to it, I'm done. I don't know how to fight every single lie. And everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. Everything that is written is a lie.

What is the point? Why do I waste time telling the truth? Why? Please, tell me, what is the point? How do I regroup my thoughts and move forward?

I have my kids. I just want a divorce. I will lose over $20,000 that he owes me that was supposed to be for my DS14 private school tuition and thousands and thousands of dollars from his pension which I know he will never pay me. I want to wash my hands of him. He is not going to be accountable for ANYTHING.

I want to move on free from all this bullshit. It's just too toxic for me. Help, please!

ladies_first posted 6/27/2013 22:47 PM

How do I regroup my thoughts and move forward?

A good night's sleep is a wonderful start...

I will lose over $20,000 that he owes me that was supposed to be for my DS14 private school tuition and thousands and thousands of dollars from his pension which I know he will never pay me.
It's true that you have to choose your battles.

Are you familiar with the H.A.L.T. acronym?


HALT. Stop and don't make any rash decisions while your hurting, angry, lonely or tired.

peridot posted 6/27/2013 23:21 PM

Dmari can you get your hands on any paper work that it existed if he's trying to say it's not there? I'm guessing that's what happened because that's usually what they do.

Do you have any other assets that you could take to make up that amount?

Can you ask that he pay for part of the tuition?

Just remember all these lies are going to catch up with him.

soverybetrayed posted 6/27/2013 23:44 PM

For the pension you can request that a QDRO be done so that you have access to the pension as soon as the QDRO has been signed off by the courts and benefit administrator. The judge will decided that should he get the house then you can ask for the pension or a portion of it.

I got 100% of my exnpd's 401K and he got our house. Once the QDRO was signed by the judge I had to sent it to the benefits administrator and they were really easy to work with. I found a former judge who now does nothing but QDROs and really knows how to write them.

Do not let him rip you off in the divorce, fight for what is yours. If you have been married for over 10 years then you deserve 1/2 of his stuff and possibly Spousal Support.

Good Luck dmari.

dmari posted 6/28/2013 11:02 AM

@ladies_first: You are right. I need a good nights sleep. I will be seeing my therapist today. I never heard of HALT! I will add that to my coping skills tool belt ~ thank you!

@peridot: He has just the pension which I am entitled to 35%. As far as the tuition, I have asked that he pay for half but he refuses to do so. He didn't do it last year and he's not doing it this year either. I guess I can file a separate motion but if he can't just do the right thing ... then whatever.

I really really really hope all his lies catch up to him.

@soverybetrayed: In my state and with stbx's pension, I can't request QDRO. I've tried and tried.

Yes, we have been married for over 19 years. I know I am entitled to SS but what is the point? I would rather every dime go to the kids not me. He won't even support his kids (other than CS) so I know he won't support me.

Thank you so much for "listening"!! I didn't get a good nights sleep so I am not going to make any big decisions BUT I am SERIOUSLY considering writing a letter listing what he owes me and saying"

"Every word you have said and every thing that you've written are lies and every thing that you have done since you walked out has been despicable. Maybe you did it to get back at me for whatever wrong you feel I have done to you. Your actions did hurt me but hurt your children even more. I've done my best to shield them from your lies and actions because I still hope that one day they will want to rebuild a relationship with you.

You feel that this is about the money but it is about the principle. It's about being accountable. It's about taking responsibility. Everything I have is for my children. Whatever amount you choose to pay back, will benefit them and not me.

I am going to list what you rightfully owe me and you decide what you are going to do. Do what you feel is right and fair.

1. Car loan $
2. Children's tuition $
3. Uncovered medical expenses $
4. Joint VISA bill $

I want you to leave me alone. Do not file anymore false police reports. Do not show up at the children's school. Do not come in to my home. Do not illegally claim the children on your taxes. Do not blame me for the lack of relationship you have with the kids.

How do I add this to the letter: MAN THE FUCK UP!

Take2 posted 6/28/2013 11:57 AM

I wouldn't send that letter - he truly doesn't care a wit. It is wasted energy and proves that he is getting you upset and that is exactly what he wants.

Pick your hill(s) Focus on exposing the most important lie or 2 or 3. (Most judges don't appreciate being lied to -- judges can get pissy when dealing with a proven liar.)

Court is incredibly stressful, cause you don't know what will happen until the end. I needed to remind myself that I wouldn't end up homeless or hungry. And he'd already done the worse thing he could've when he cheated and destroyed the M. (Sometimes that helped anyway...)

((dmari)) Deep breaths.

MyReturn2Me posted 6/28/2013 12:13 PM

The letter you want to send him sounds like it would be better used as a starter point for you and your attorney in your divorce negotiations.

Let your lawyer dictate, not asshat.

tesla posted 6/28/2013 19:59 PM

Did your L say that a QDRO cannot be used with the asshole's pension? Surely this situation has arisen before and your L knows how to get your 35% secured.

I'm sorry he's not manning up with your son's tuition. Can't your L get creative about getting you his tuition in the settlement?

nowiknow23 posted 6/28/2013 20:06 PM


Rest for tonight. Pamper yourself in any way big or small that you can, and then get a good night's sleep.

heartbroken_kk posted 6/28/2013 20:52 PM

You know you can fight for the spousal support you are entitled to, and then use that money for tuition. Once its in your hands you have control over what you spend it on.

Nature_Girl posted 6/28/2013 21:01 PM

You know you can fight for the spousal support you are entitled to, and then use that money for tuition. Once its in your hands you have control over what you spend it on.

That is exactly what I was thinking.

dmari posted 6/28/2013 21:23 PM

@Take2: At first, it was hard to read your response because it's the truth! You are absolutely right, he doesn't care and my reaction would definitely feed his ego. Thank you!

@MyReturn2Me: Good point ~ what the hell was I thinking letting my shitbag stbx dictate what happens!!

@tesla: I've tried for the QDRO and our City and County pension is one of the FEW pensions out there that don't allow QDRO. Your response gave me an idea. I think I will look for an attorney that specializes in QDRO's??? Hmmm. Even if I pay for an hour of his time to educate me in my stbx's specific plan. This is going on my to-do list. Thank yo u!

@NIK: Thank you! I'm going to try and get a better nights sleep. Thank you for the reminder to take care of me! Funny how we forget when it comes to ourselves. Thank you!

@heartbroken_kk and Nature_Girl: Brilliant!! Genius! Definitely something I will explore. I'm kinda of pissed my attorney didn't think of that.

I love love love you guys! Thank you for always having my back!

Return to Forum List

© 2002-2018 ®. All Rights Reserved.