It hit me recently, that this is the ONLY way he can engage me. He has wanted a reaction from me all this time, and this is how he has gotten it from me. Well,, guess what? I'm going back to NC and only IF I absolutely have to talk to him will he get my attention.
[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 2:46 AM, June 28th (Friday)]
He is really a moron. While he is screwing with you, or else so self-absorbed he is clueless... he is actively destroying his relationship with them, teaching them that they can not trust what he says, he will not put them first.
Engaging won't help. Staying NC is a good plan. Just support the kids and their feelings of betrayal and neglect. They are learning a hard thing - they can't depend on Dad.
But it will be okay cause they have you!
It is very sad that your dad's dislike for your mom clouds his love for you.
She told me she didn't want to use the word hatred or rage in telling the kids. and she didn't want to use the word outweighs instead of clouds. She wanted the kids to have hope that one day they would have a relationship with him.
They do have one... but it is no where near what he had when he started playing these games.
Your energy is needed in supporting your kids, no matter what attention you give your X, your kids will still be suffering and you will have less energy to deal with them in a healthy way. Save your energy for the ones that need it and will appreciate it.
I feel terrible for the children that get stuck in these messes, but at the end of the day as long as we do all we can to be their rocks, they're going to be just fine.
He has wanted a reaction from me all this time, and this is how he has gotten it from me.
Would it shock you to believe his behavior isn't about you? Maybe he didn't take the kids on vacation because he's selfish and cheap? Maybe he talked them out of sports because he's lazy and cheap. Maybe the OW spends the night because she's a whore? Maybe he doesn't take them to music lessons because his head is so far up his ass he can't see the clock or hear the alarm to get there on time?
NC is still a grand idea!