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They try to break our spirit with our childlren

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homewrecked2011 posted 6/28/2013 02:46 AM

I have been so strong and positive and NC and 180 with NPA XWH. Now he is starting all sorts of bs with me about our children. (Not taking them to music lessons, having OW spend nite - against div papers, talking them out of sports, not taking them on a vacation after they were hyped for it, etc etc.)

It hit me recently, that this is the ONLY way he can engage me. He has wanted a reaction from me all this time, and this is how he has gotten it from me. Well,, guess what? I'm going back to NC and only IF I absolutely have to talk to him will he get my attention.

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 2:46 AM, June 28th (Friday)]

stronger08 posted 6/28/2013 03:43 AM

Good for you. You might also want to file a contempt charge being he is not following the D decree. The only way to deal with these assholes is to fight fire with the biggest damn hose you can find.

Take2 posted 6/28/2013 08:33 AM

Sadly, I suspect after reading here that those clauses (keeping kids away from AP) really don't have any teeth and are unenforceable.

He is really a moron. While he is screwing with you, or else so self-absorbed he is clueless... he is actively destroying his relationship with them, teaching them that they can not trust what he says, he will not put them first.

Engaging won't help. Staying NC is a good plan. Just support the kids and their feelings of betrayal and neglect. They are learning a hard thing - they can't depend on Dad.

But it will be okay cause they have you!

Kajem posted 6/28/2013 08:46 AM

My kids therapist put it very nicely to my kids once when they were complaining about my XH pulling stuff (like yours) with them.

It is very sad that your dad's dislike for your mom clouds his love for you.

She told me she didn't want to use the word hatred or rage in telling the kids. and she didn't want to use the word outweighs instead of clouds. She wanted the kids to have hope that one day they would have a relationship with him.

They do have one... but it is no where near what he had when he started playing these games.

Your energy is needed in supporting your kids, no matter what attention you give your X, your kids will still be suffering and you will have less energy to deal with them in a healthy way. Save your energy for the ones that need it and will appreciate it.



lostmommy posted 6/28/2013 13:07 PM

I came to the same realization last night/this morning. They're not worth it. NC all the way.

I feel terrible for the children that get stuck in these messes, but at the end of the day as long as we do all we can to be their rocks, they're going to be just fine.

Nature_Girl posted 6/28/2013 13:16 PM

What a complete jerk. I'm so sorry for you & your kids. My STBX also refuses to cooperate when it comes to the children's activities. It's so bad I cant even enroll them in anything. Which, upon reading your situation, might be for the best, since I would become enraged if he took them out of an activity after they were already participating.

ladies_first posted 6/28/2013 13:29 PM

He has wanted a reaction from me all this time, and this is how he has gotten it from me.

Would it shock you to believe his behavior isn't about you? Maybe he didn't take the kids on vacation because he's selfish and cheap? Maybe he talked them out of sports because he's lazy and cheap. Maybe the OW spends the night because she's a whore? Maybe he doesn't take them to music lessons because his head is so far up his ass he can't see the clock or hear the alarm to get there on time?

NC is still a grand idea!

homewrecked2011 posted 6/30/2013 22:06 PM

Ladies first,

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