If you read my original posts, WS was being a real A$$ on Dday. Blamed me b/c of sexual problems over the years. Very defensive.
Silence for a few days then something seemed to click with him. Floodgates of communication opened. He is ashamed and angry with himself. He wrote OW an email to never contact him again. He acknowledges that he has "ruined everything" and has been saying he's sorry. He just wants to keep hugging me and telling me I am a good woman. He is also being moved to another location in his job and is looking forward to it. He wants no reminders and doesn't even want to go to work until the official move happens (OW is out of work now for injury). He wants to focus on only me and the kids and doesn't want to face anyone b/c of the shame he feels.
He has been helpful around the house and more helpful with the kids, too. I truly think he is remorseful (despite his initial bastardness) and my gut tells me things will be ok in the long run.
BUT...I can't shake this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I never thought I would react like this. I was one of those people of the mindset if my husband cheated, F U, I'm gone! Not the case. I manage through the day, but mornings are worst. I don't want to get up. The feelings flood my mind when I wake up for some reason. I see IC next week, then we'll start MC.
Is there hope??
So you do it one day at a time until you can't...and on that day you know. If that day never comes the doubt and questions fade and eventually become replaced with strength and conviction.
He told me this morning that he wants to spend more alone time with me (Dates, etc) to work on us. We've grown apart since we had our kids.
IMHO I thing most parents go through this. I don't know how old your kids are but the time parents need to be parenting is not very long when you think about your whole life. When you have children it takes effort to schedule dates and alone time and it is not as spontaneous and sometimes it feels the efforts are to great for the times you can be alone. Looking back WH and I should have put more effort into scheduling alone time. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Children do become old enough to leave alone so you can go to dinner. Children do become adults so you can start go away together. I hope your WH understands this and realizes it is also his responsibility to help plan alone time.
Gotta love the life that we livin'
If your D-Day is close to your registrations date, it's remotely possible you may find some fury soon, too, and at least a little fear.
Honor your feelings - feel them and let them go. It'll take a long time because there are LOTS of feelings, but you have them - they don't have you.
There's immense hope for you, if you let yourself heal (i.e. feel your feelings). There's immense hope for your H if he's remorseful and does the work he needs to do. There's immense hope for your M if both of you do the necessary work.
Thank you, sisoon. Those are words I have been repeating in my head all day today when the thoughts and sadness start and it has helped! I need to be in control of my emotions to move on to R. H is worried I will never let them go and be able to R. He acknowledges I will have good days and bad days, but is worried that we will never get past it. Starting IC next week.