He sent me a text this morning "pls set an appt with the polygraph, I love you, want to be your partner for the rest of my life". He swore again on his children's health, his grandchildren, and his parents heath that there is no more to tell. I did not say much, just listened.
I am so tired, exhausted with this situation, I need to take care of myself. I have a career which requires my full concentration, and I do need to work for another 5 years. And I do need to eat and sleep and give my soul a rest.
I really want to believe him and put this to rest. Last night was unreal, the emotions, the frustrations.
Thank God for all you guys who replied to my desperation. If it were for you guys, I would quit now. But I am not. I am going to make that appt, shit it costs $800. here. But, he will pay for it! Cause if I don't do this, it sure will come back to haunt me and I may not be in a strong mental position to act upon it.
He will probably tell you "everything" shortly before the appointment,hoping you will cancel it..don't.
I know there's more to WH's bullshit..he has..finally...agreed to take a polygraph. He thinks it's "ridiculous" but will do it. He reminded me yesterday that he swore on his father's grave(he just passed last month,WH was close to him) that he will *never* betray me again..and that I know everything.
So I reminded him that for 2.5 years he swore on our childrens' lives that I knew everything...then out came the TT...that there was a whole other AP/PA that I didn't know about.
They lie. And lie. And lie.
..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.
D-Day, June 10, 2012
PS: he wouldn't be the first - nor the last - spouse who has sworn on their own children's lives that they were telling the truth and were STILL lying through their teeth.
Cheaters are the biggest liars on the planet.
It is not uncommon for WS to do a great big purge of their conscience in the parking lot right before the poly appointment...
No matter the result, it is money well spent, (probably even better than a new purse )
edited for typos (I always have to!)
To get "past" this, you have to go through it. This will take a period of years.
During that time, you will heal, incrementally. You will move forward, then back, then forward enough that, over a protracted period of truth and trustworthiness, you have more good days than bad.
Do not rugsweep. It is your impulse because it seems to create immediate relief.
What it actually does is ensure greater, more protracted pain. Trust me on this.