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How to Dress Feminine After Sexual Harassment

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anonymous823 posted 6/28/2013 10:48 AM

Hi All,

I've always loved to wear heels and dress in nice blouses and such but growing up I faced a lot of sexual harassment because of my breast and butt size so I started covering up. I'm pretty petite and have a small waist but my breasts are rather large for my frame and I have a noticeable bottom too. I hate that my body draws so much unwanted attention from men and have been considering a breast reduction but my doc says since I'm in my twenties and childless I need to wait until after I have kids.

In the meantime I would like to wear my nice blouses and jeans with heels but dread the cat calls from men. So wise ladies of SI, can you tell me how you deal with dressing feminine and ignorant men cat calling?

As of late I've been wearing t-shirts and flats with blazers so as not to attract attention.

jennie160 posted 6/28/2013 11:45 AM

I have a pretty big bust for my frame. The key is to draw the eye away from your chest. I wear a lot of shirts that aren't super low cut with detail around the neckline. Big chunky necklace's do this as well.

http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1409443/elle-rosette-flutter-top.jsp

http://www.loft.com/smocked-neck-tank/307762?colorExplode=false&skuId=14037566&catid=catl000011&productPageType=fullPriceProducts&defaultColor=1142

I wish I was one of those girls that could wear the tank tops with the shelf bra built in. Unfortunately, my girls need extra support.

Amazonia posted 6/28/2013 12:01 PM

I wish I was one of those girls that could wear the tank tops with the shelf bra built in. Unfortunately, my girls need extra support.

Small chested girl here - those things don't work for anyone unless you don't need a bra at all - in which case they're useless.

Sad in AZ posted 6/28/2013 12:06 PM

Well-fitting, surplice neckline blouses (the fabric criss-crosses in the front) in busy prints also help camouflage a large bust.

A-line or gored,flared skirt at or just above your knee are feminine but not overtly sexy like pencil skirts can be.

I would suggest, though, that you should develop a thick skin and 'f-you' attitude for those rude enough to harass you like this. A withering stare and moving on is your best bet. Don't let the cretins intimidate you. I have a good friend who is very busty and suffered because of it for years. She's almost my age and now has a stooped posture from trying to minimize the appearance of her figure. It's very sad.

jennie160 posted 6/28/2013 12:37 PM

I would suggest, though, that you should develop a thick skin and 'f-you' attitude for those rude enough to harass you like this.

I wanted to add that this is important as well. You need to learn to love your body and walk around with confidence.

When I was married, XH use to tell me to stop dressing like a slut (he considered anything that wasn't baggy and showed the slightest hint of figure slutty) so I started wearing baggy tee-shirts and ill-fitting clothes.

I had horrible self-esteem but after I left and I started to work on myself I started to gain confidence and was more comfortable in clothes that flattered my figure.

I think your first step is to work on building your confidence in your body. Go shopping find a piece or two that fit well that you feel you look good in and strut your stuff.

anonymous823 posted 6/28/2013 12:58 PM

@Jennie- I'll definitely be looking into those sites that you shared. I think it'll be fun to try the necklace idea too. @sadinAZ- thank you for your detailed comment! I'm working in the attitude. I feel like I'm a force attitude wise except when it comes to my body. My IC says I those men win by shrinking like your friend did. @Jennie - I've been trying to love my body and you're right, I'll need to build confidence. It's odd to my FWF that I have this issue because he's always loved my body and encouraged me to feel confidential about it but I fought him on it for years for fear that I would be harassed again. I was harassed while wearing jeans and a nice blouse and have at times been inappropriately touched and I just freeze up with fear. I found a nice blouse that I look great in and plan to wear it for my upcoming birthday! Gonna take take your advice and practice my strut!

JanaGreen posted 6/28/2013 13:01 PM

This post makes me sad. How shitty and sad that you have to deal with those jerks.

anonymous823 posted 6/28/2013 13:12 PM

@janagreen- yeah, I honestly thought it was my fault for a long time but after speaking with many women in NYC I learned that it is a major problem for many women. They've developed an app that allows women to let other women know when they're a victim of street harassment and get help. My male friends have told me to develop a mean mug.

[This message edited by anonymous823 at 1:13 PM, June 28th (Friday)]

anonymous823 posted 6/28/2013 13:12 PM

@janagreen- yeah, I honestly thought it was my fault for a long time but after speaking with many women in NYC I learned that it is a major problem for many women. They've developed an app that allows women to let other women know when they're a victim of street harassment and get help.

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