I remember a conversation many years ago about consequences of actions. WH wanted to do something and I was trying to give my viewpoints and going through the consequences if he did something. WH said there shouldn't be consequences of actions. I said there is always some consequence to everything we do. I realize he does this when he is trying to get his way and he would eventually do what he wanted. I believe he did believe there shouldn't be consequences.
Has anyone else had consequences of actions discussion with their partners? Do you think this is one of many personality traits that allows someone to justify having an A?
Gotta love the life that we livin'
it is justifying thinking, or wishful thinking at the least. ignoring or not acknowledging that there are consequences of ones actions is not healthy, for anyone.
mr unfound knew the consequences of his actions, he purposfully/subconsiously (long story) chose to compartmentalize them and ignore them, cause, really, who can have a fun lurvin A with the thought that they could lose everything they have?
He will get defensive. Accuse me of judging him or trying to parent him. Then he will ask me if I realized my actions have consequences too; that we were in a low point in our relationship and "what did you think I would do?' Not for me.
This conversation is for people in R. Otherwise it is just a platform for blame shifting.
For me, I'm going to let it be. It's not going to make me feel better. And I'm trying stop looking to him to make me feel better.
On the other hand, I discussed this in IC, and was told that when he gets defensive I should keep going and "hit him with what the consequences of his actions are". And that his defences are protecting a big sea of guilt. He is protecting access to that pain.
Not sure how it will all play out.
ETA: I do recall several times that my H would say "I accept this or that because it is the consequence of what I've done". So even though we didn't discuss it, he is completely understanding about consequences and how they happen no matter what.
[This message edited by doesitgetbetter at 2:16 PM, June 28th (Friday)]
It just kills me that they think that there will not be permanent consequenses.