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I can't make this shit up. He was ripping into me because J has a diaper rash. J is teething (cutting a molar), and even when he's not, his urine output is INSANE. It's always been that way. He can saturate a diaper in 5 minutes or less. He's on the road to potty training, but not quite there yet. Anyway, I did give XH a head's up at drop-off last night that he had a slight rash. So he texts me I assume when they got home and basically lit into me about how horrible this rash is, I can't believe you let him get like this, blah blah blah. I told him that I was sure he could handle taking care of it, and that it wasn't horrible when I dropped him off.

This then turned into how I need to potty train him. My response "Well his Dr said it should take 3 days [of J walking around bottomless, but I didn't go there with him], so have at it." He responded that I had a horrble dr [ok asshole] and that if I had allowed him to take J for his alotted summer vacation then he wouldn't have a problem potty training him.

Whoa there. Hold the phone. It's not that I didn't "let" you. You CHOSE not to take any summer visitation outside of EOW because I didn't agree with your ridiculous schedule! End of discussion.

He sent me a few more texts, that I ignored. I'm not going to engage him by responding anymore. If there's an emergency when he has our son, that's one thing. But I have no desire to get ripped apart EOW. It's constant, it's annoying, it's exhausting. If I could write him a letter, this is what I would say:

Dear Asshole,

If the biggest flaw in my parenting is that he has a diaper rash I guess I'm doing a damn good job. I'm sure you're equipped to deal with it just fine. Stop bothering me with your incessant harping.

Sincerely,

Sick of dealing with your bullshit

I'm sorry. Anyone who spends less than five minutes doing a search on the internet would learn that diaper rashes can get worse during teething.

Because he's an idiot, you should probably expect that he's going to take pictures of the rash & accuse you of child neglect. Just sayin'...

Ah, you made my day. I thought I was the only one being text bombed with stuff like that; in my case he texts about diligence with combing my daughters hair so that their lice infestation does not come back.

Needless to say, they have come home three times with active infestations after being with their father for extended periods of time. He does not believe in washing pillow cases and sheets regularly and vacuuming on a daily basis.

I am sure I will get a daily reminder soon...

Because he's an idiot, you should probably expect that he's going to take pictures of the rash & accuse you of child neglect. Just sayin'...

Yep, I know. Any suggestions of how to combat that?

Needless to say, they have come home three times with active infestations after being with their father for extended periods of time. He does not believe in washing pillow cases and sheets regularly and vacuuming on a daily basis.

But they're perfect and we suck, don't you know that by now?? He's returned J with horrific diaper rashes before. Do you know what he said when I told him that last night?? "Because he's given to me with one". Really????

[This message edited by lostmommy at 1:48 PM, June 28th (Friday)]

You take the child to the pedi to demonstrate that you're proactively doing all possible. That way it's documented as to how bad it is/isn't, you have professional advice, a neutral third party is aware of the situation, blah blah blah...

I'll do that. He's far too lazy to do anything - he had suggested that we go to mediation to get clarification on some of the settlement wording [he's confused, not me] but that he'd find a mediator. That was over a month ago and I have yet to hear about it again. Still, never underestimate an NPD.

I'll take J to the doctor on Monday.

What has he done to help protect your DS's bottom since he has had him? Is he using any type of skin protector ointment? Rashes happen to all children, especially during hot weather. Also some children's urine is more concentrated due to them not drinking enough, which can cause a rash in a short time. It is not always a sign of neglect. Tell him to get a life and take care of it himself if he is so worried. My XWH#1 used to call me all the time about runny noses, coughs, etc.. I finally told him that he needed to handle it. He wanted to be a single Dad and that included taking care of DS when he was sick and with him. If he is really sick, take him to the doctor, dumb ass!!! Don't call me and ask me what to do.

My sentiments exactly. But he knows that this is the only way to get me riled up - be accusatory and treat me like an inferior parent. Nevermind the time that J was driven home from NJ with a poop diaper and it took me days to get rid of that rash. Nevermind that when he brought him home from "wedding weekend extravaganza" he had a horrible rash. Nevermind all those times. I just clearly suck in his mind as a parent. I'm sure his other child doesn't EVER get a diaper rash.

Lostmommy,

Sounds like you need to start documenting every thing. If he wants to play hardball, then play back.

Take J to the Dr on monday. If the rash is any worse than when you last saw it... have the Dr make a note of it. And you document it also.

Anything that is time/date stamped will do. Even a ledger will do. keep the emotions out of it. But do note how J looks, (clean, dirty, sitting in poop, diaper exploded) without adding your commentary. Also note J's disposition etc. Doing this might not amount to anything in court- and chances are it won't. But it gives you ammunition to use against his threats. Don't tell him anything about it... for awhile... then let him have it... thru your lawyer.

I know it takes putting your hand to cover your mouth... and sitting on your hands not to text him. But the look on his face when he realizes that YOU have been documenting all along... is priceless!!

Hugs,

K

Yes, this happens here too, sometimes to the point it's my whole time DD is gone.

The flaw-seeking is chronic. No matter what I clean, how or how long I clean for, Happy Pants will find something-anything-to ding me with. Do you know, he was actually going behind furniture, trying to ding me for cat messes? We have a little elderly cat, and I work really hard on it already.

Yet when DD comes back, sometimes she's had a major cut or bruises -from being on her bike or a hike and she fell-that's fine, but no one told me and I had to find it by the gushing. It's "Pot and Kettle Syndrome", for sure.

That was really good to not write back-I do it too, though is hard. Sometimes it sure does what it's supposed to, doesn't it? And parenting is so personal.

LostMommy, I wonder if your Wh was on your case like that so he could make sure no one thought the problem started under his care? This strikes me as pure deflection, like maybe WH thinking, "gee, if I giver her hell, no one can say I did it or am at fault??"

P.S. There's a really amazing quick cure for diaper rash and I will wrack my brain to think of it. It's a little bizarre but OMG, it works like nothing else!

It's three different products and the combination is safe but extremely affective.

One is Neosporin, said to help any lesions. There are two others. It also looks a little odd, but was a lifesaver.

Another is Maalox.

You put them both on. Kind of messy but wow. Still looking for the other.

Just wanted to add that the 3 days of being bottomless worked for me. Obviously it's disgusting, but mine were both trained by the third day..

Good luck with your ridiculous NPD dipshit. FTG..

Thank you! Ashland, I'll try it! I'm willing to try anything at this point.

The rash looked no better, but no worse, when he got home this afternoon.

My plan is to potty train him next weekend as I'll be home for 4 days straight. Hopefully it'll be done by the time I get back to work, but if not, at least he'll be on his way!