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confused777 posted 6/28/2013 14:46 PM

He claims he didn't have sex. So, when I read on his certifications, it said he knew how to wield penis. Doesn't that mean to have sex? Another person said that le left his wife drained. And if its 7 certain since 2006, what else is there? I have only ever seen this one website so I think it's only one.

I don't trust him anymore. I'm so stupid!!!!!!!! I saw the signs. Found the profile with mapquest directions in 2006 when he left after a fight. Couldn't believe it because it involved a guy and girl. That profile is one of his certifications. I am so god damn stupid. We weren't even married yet , but I thought we were immune to cheating. He's so masculine so why would it involve a guy. He used to say how innocent I am.

He's a night owl. When we would travel, I go to bed early and routinely can't sleep. He would tell me he was going to get a drink and I was fine with it. Now I wonder how many people he slep with.

If he wants threesomes and exhibitionism, why did he marry me when I made it clear I was not interested and would not condone cheating.

He had sexual contact with people for 8 of the 13 years we were together

confused777 posted 6/28/2013 14:49 PM

And know he doesn't want to talk to a counselor cause its hard to talk about. It means he's not done, right

selkiescot posted 7/2/2013 18:51 PM

He needs to do whatever YOU need him to do. Sweetie listen to me. You need to make it clear to him exactly what you want, He needs to own his shit, stop the blameshifting and start the work. There is a forum on Sex Addiction I strongly suggest you do some reading there. You are not stupid. You wanted to beleive the best in someone you care about.

jjct posted 7/2/2013 20:23 PM

Actually, he's FOS, & you need to use your anger to detach.
Some men are enslaved by their dick's desires.
Addicted.

This is not safe for you.

I'd go a little further than selkie in this scenario

You need to make it clear to him exactly what you want

I'd hold off on this if you're not in a safe place. Take your time to get your ducks in a row & form an exit plan.
I wonder if you've told yourself, or if you even know through the pain "exactly what YOU want".

Of course we all want a faithful partner, but forget about him ftm, what about you?
Use your anger please.
Detach. But be safe about it - not revealing your actual plans.

Tired05 posted 7/2/2013 20:29 PM

I know how you feel. My WH cheated for almost 5 of the 6 years we have been together.....BEFORE we got married. WHY get married??? Feel like my entire marriage was a sham.

I don't have advice, but I have support. I had a lot of red flags dancing around in my face as well, and sometimes I feel like I am a huge idiot because I thought my H was better than that. But WE didn't do anything wrong. All we did was trust our spouse and tried to give them the benefit of a doubt. We thought so highly of them that we were convinced that, even though we were starring right at the evidence, we were sure that they couldn't do this. It's not wrong to trust and love your spouse.

confused777 posted 7/3/2013 14:59 PM

I know what I want, I want the marriage and the man that I thought I married. But I know now that didn't exist. So, I am stuck. I don't leant to divorce but I can't accept this behavior in my life.

My friends and family have said that sex isn't a reason to leave an otherwise good marriage. He's a good provider and excellent and attentive dad and husband.

I think it's an addiction too. I mean who drives 45 minutes at 2:45 am to "play" with a couple who are 30 years older than him. He says he doesn't think about me at all or makes up reasons to be angry at me.

He says the right things. Doesn't blame me, blames himself, will get help. I can't buy think this is manipulation and lies and he will continue with this behavior. I already told him the next time is a deal breaker. Ow I have to decide if his behavior is already a deal breaker.

He swears his indiscretions were always safe. I do believe him as we had a baby and I don't believe he's let me risk the baby as I am still breast feeding him. But maybe I am delusional and again giving him too much power. I was tested in 2011 and was clear of everything then.

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