My heart goes out to you. Maybe you're not as low down as I once was. But if you are, please know you're not alone. My eyes have been opened as to the true situation of "those women". I'm very intelligent, I'm creative, I'm passionate. And yet by the time I realized the truth of my life I was less than a shadow. I was a ghost.
Try to focus less on labeling yourself and more on appreciating the fact that your eyes are opening to the truth of your reality. You have survived to this point. That's something to be proud of, even if the situation you're in isn't one you're proud of.
First, and foremost, you are giving him a chance to begin, by taking this SMALL first step, to earn your trust back. Lets face it, you used to trust him, probably never gave that a second thought. He NUKED that. Between the betrayal of the A and the lies and trickle truth that followed, he just plain threw that trust away.
That you are willing to give him the chance to earn your trust back after that is a very generous gift.
The poly my friend, is a gift that helps him begin to achieve HIS goal of gaining your trust back. It is a first step, it needs to be passed, of course, but then it needs to be followed up with consistent integrity, faithful actions, all that good stuff he vowed in the first place,
It is a fact based test, he simply has to answer truth to some questions.
H did it. An experioenced examiner has talked to tons of guys like your husband and my husband. This is really just another day at the office for him. It will be private and quiet and dignified ( you didn't make the appointment with Jerry Springer, did you )
It isn't humiliation or torture, and it is a really fast track way for you to KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW KNOW that you have the truth.
You're sweet and kind to worry about his feelings, but let him worry about yours on this one. That can be another gift you give him.
[This message edited by JustWow at 8:29 PM, June 28th (Friday)]
edited for typos (I always have to!)
You are in the right.
He should be begging for forgiveness - he isn't.
He should be willing to do anything to help you heal - he isn't.
You are in love with the fantasy that you had of him - he's NOT that man.
He's proven he chose to hurt you - don't trust him.