SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

movingforward13 posted 6/29/2013 08:22 AM

This week at court my "husband" notified me that he filed for divorced since we now know that we are officially married and that he filed for custody of our son.

I am trying to figure out his angle for trying to take our son out my home. I know he doesn't want to pay child support but I feel like there is more.... Trying to hurt me, control me, isolate me as I don't have any other family? He lives 3 states away and comes to our state once a month to visit his son. I have our son fully time and do everything for him. I did mention to him that I want to move out of state some time next year as well for a fresh start and if we were able to communicate, then we could work out visitations.

I am sure he really doesn't want our son full time. Our son is a handful and currently potty training. His idea of being a dad is having his mother parent our son. I would imagine his mother would move in with him so that she can take care of her grandson as she knows her son isn't able to do it. So really, what is the angle. He didn't want to be married, he had an affair, and he wanted freedom. Now I don't bother him for any reason and giving him exactly what wants. Why is he now stirring for more drama? Am I wrong for feeling like this is a personal attack?

movingforward13 posted 6/29/2013 08:25 AM

And there are no abuse/neglect issues so he has no legitimate reason to file for full custody besides what ever bull shit excuse he can make up from his own head. My own daycare said they would write a letter to the court of how much of an involved parent I am and how my son is thriving under my care and how they only met my son's father 3 times out of the 3 years my son has been there.

Cabrona posted 6/29/2013 09:24 AM

Maybe he thinks this will upset you so much you will be willing to settle for little or no child support if he drops the custody challenge.

Take2 posted 6/29/2013 10:59 AM

I wonder if it is not his mother but the OW who is willing to watch the child...?
Is she still in the picture?
His angle might be to ride off in the the sunset with his insta-family, but never under-estimate the length some will go to to avoid paying child support.

Have your daycare write that up now. And if you haven't yet retained a lawyer, start doing consults now (the first might not be a good fit! I meet with 4 before I found a keeper!) You need advice on how to CYA, just so you don't walk into a trap he might set.
If he asks for the child's pediatrician's name - document the question. Keep to email, or text for that reason - documentation.

I wonder if you could have the marriage annulled, given his deception... but as to custody, if he has only ever seen the child for visitation 4 days a month - he has a uphill battle.

btw - I could be wrong about this, but when I read former betrayed spouse I matched it in my head with a former wayward spouse... as in a couple that is reconciling... which was initially confusing.

And be aware that if you do move, the court may state that you have to pay the child's travel cost, not sure how that would work under these circumstances - another question for the Lawyer...

movingforward13 posted 6/29/2013 15:40 PM

Nope, it isn't OW. She is a third year medical student age 25. She isn't looking to parent a three year old at this point in her life. I don't think she is in the picture any more, which would explain why the focus is back on me. When she was in the picture, he didn't care what was going on with my end.

I do think it is his mother because his mother encouraged him to have the affair in the first place. My STBXH is a huge mama's boy. He listens to her about everything and she was the one who told him to file for divorce. The woman has never liked me and she hates that I am the mother to her grand child so I am almost 100% that if he miraculously won custody, she would move 3 states away to parent our child because my ex can't do it by himself. She doesn't want him paying me child support because whenever he is out of money, he runs to her for it. Him having custody would be better for them.

Thank you for the info though. I will be seeing a lawyer.

Ex contacted me today saying he wants more video chat time with his son. Right now they video chat twice a week. I ignored his text. I feel like responding, have your lawyer contact mine.

[This message edited by movingforward13 at 3:41 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]

peridot posted 6/29/2013 19:11 PM

He's wanting more video chat time for looks in court. This is either his mom or he's trying to pay less CS. Whose state is he filing in?

Just make sure you've documented all visitation, chat, phone calls. Also the times he went to the daycare, school, doctor appointments. You want to prove he hasn't been in your son's life.

Got2GO posted 6/29/2013 19:38 PM

More than likely he is trying to get out of paying for cs. He's not interested in taking care of a child full time.

movingforward13 posted 6/29/2013 21:32 PM

He is trying to file in my state, but he doesn't meet residency requirements any more. If he files where he currently lives, things will get more difficult.

Why did he have to do this? Why did he has to mess up our lives and bring in all this drama.

peridot posted 6/30/2013 00:37 AM

Is there any way you can file in your state? I don't know how it works with filing in a state where the kids don't live or if that is possible.

I remember one of the legal statements in my decree states that we both live in "my state" and then something about the kids living here also.