I wanted to type this to get it out and get some advice/support/insight or anything at all.
We broke up back in April. The treatment from him was just appalling and I could no longer take anymore. Since then he had been in constant contact with me, saying he missed me, wanted me back, wanted to try again. At first he almost sucked me back in, but then I kept finding things out about him that I wasn't happy with. So eventually, I got in into my head that I was NEVER going to be able to return to him. When this happened, it helped a little and I knew I had to start trying to move on. However, I wasn't ready to cut off all contact with him. So I continued to talk to him. I could see the manipulation tactics he was using. I didn't tell him this but it was pretty funny in a way. In my mind I thought I would keep him hanging as payback for what he had done. Let him think that his trickery was working on me, when it wasn't.
I finally agreed to see him in person after about two months of this. It was more for my benefit to see how I felt about it all. TBH I was a little bored in his company. I realised that the feelings I thought I had were gone, or at least almost gone. It helped me in a way to see him.
I kept watching. Despite telling me how he wanted to try again, he was active on dating sites, I saw this by last online times. Still didn't add me to Facebook bla bla bla.
The last time I saw him was Wednesday. He asked me to go over and as I did, his mate turned up at the same time. I was not amused as he didn't tell me his mate was joining us.
I was BORED. At about 1:30am I put on my coat, got my bag and decided to leave. He begged me not to go so I stayed, but mainly because of the fact that I had had 2 drinks and knew I would be over the limit to drive, but I was not drunk at all. His friend was staying over and slept in the living room and so I stayed in his room with him but not intending on doing anything with him at all! He tried it on and things got scary. He had hold of my leggings and underwear and tried pulling them off. I grabbed them and he kept trying to pull them down, very forcefully and it was hard to keep hold of them. I kept telling him no. He mocked what I had previously said, saying oooh we can't do this and we can't do that and said they're coming off anyway. I managed to pull them back up and push him off me. People here have said in the past that he sounds dangerous, I laughed it off at the time but now I really do think he is capable of it. It was as if he was one step away from rape.
After I got him off me, he was huffy and I ignored him and he ignored me.
We had words after that and he was still maintaining that he wanted to try again. He had no idea of all that I knew about him.
Last night I went out with some friends and I was shocked to see him out with his mate and two girls (same ones that left the sanitary towels at his place, which was one of the reasons we split in the first place).
He didn't see me or at least I don't think he did.
I had been drinking and got so angry with all that had been building up, all that I knew that I was keeping hidden and I went berserk.
I am going to post the conversation, if anyone wants to read it they can and I would love some feedback or insight.
Before I do, I have to point out that I am not a nasty or viscous person at all. But it is how I will come across in the messages. I was just so angry and please forgive the language.
After I spotted him with those whores I messaged him.
Me: You're a c**t, don't ever talk to me again
Me: I'm not blocking you and deleting your number. I'm in the same place and I saw you with those whores. Don't you dare try to contact me again
Him: Ah my friends :)
Me: F**k off sick f**k.
Bit of arguing about because I said about them staying at his place and he said they weren't and only his mate was.
Him: Delete and block me like you said. I'm a huge c**t
Me: Right ho, proved you were up to no good. And I've had a very in depth conversation with someone who knows you very well so you should hope I don't post it to everyone on your Facebook! Thank you for being a lying, cheating c**t all along. Even when we were official or at least your version of it you were still active on a dating site (I only found this out the other day) in January "wanting to learn naughty tricks". You accused me once by saying Christmas was a lie. Yes it was because of you. And no, your ex didn't cheat on you. Lying bastard. How do I know? Because I asked her. So yes Christmas was a huge fucking lie on your part when you felt the need to send her a gift and a card which I didn't get saying... and I quote "what he bought me was a box set of The wire... he sent a card too which said 'I remember you saying that you would have to pick this up one day. I'm so sorry about everything that I did and not making you feel special. You are the best person I have ever known xxxx'. So yes Christmas was a lie because of you and your lying ways! You are fucking disgusting! And don't for one minute think people don't know what you are like because they do! When I described the problems to her she said that she had the same shit with you. Explicit Facebook messages to whores from work. Makes sense considering tonight and also the fact that you were always trying to bed girls behind her back when you went out with mates. It was (his friends name) that warned her about that so don't you doubt that people don't know what you're like!
Him: Goodbye. I honestly felt like i was getting happy again when with you. I missed my ex alot, so much in fact and yes she DID cheat on me. You're foul going to that length and not even allowing me to forget my past by trying to move forward. You dug up my old past that I wanted to forget, its why I was VERY angry that you allowed Tom to ruin everything. I wanted us to move forward, I was with my friends tonight and just Rhys is staying with me. Im ashamed
Me: Yeah whatever. You're a liar
Him: Ashamed you went that far behind my back. I wanted to say a final goodbye to someone before moving on with my life. Goodbye. Maybe one day you'll forgive me and we can try. Right now im in a very dark place thank you
Me: We can try? Are you fucking crazy? I didn't go behind your back. You're a fucking liar. I have no clue how a person ends up the way you do. You're a compulsive liar, I think you're sick in the head. You had a good person in her, you fucked it, you had the same here and you fucked that too
Him: And on top of that that, denying you were with anyone and my existence. Hurt a lot. So it was all a lie. I know this now. You can fuck as many sluts as you like. It won't get you anywhere. You need to sort it out for you so that you don't pass up on the next decent person that crosses your path!
Him: Last person I slept with was my ex before you. You don't have to believe me and right now I don't blame you. And I wanted to rework things back together slowly, why im so angry about Tom situation too. All my faults and mistakes I tried to erase and make sure I could move forward fresh, sadly things haunt me. Im so very very sorry.
Me: And I'm that fucked off now that I am going to send the whole conversation to everyone on your Facebook. And I will also report you to every cheater site on the Internet, meaning that if someone searches for you, all the nasty into will show up. You're not sorry.
Him: :( Please Im trying to stop my past. And Yes I am sorry :-(
Him: I tried to forget everything and finally lay everything to rest. I was really happy when you stayed over and i didn't care if tom saw your car. You don't have to believe me at all, but i was really sad when Tom started on you. I wouldnt want you to come for food with my mum and dad nor would go to that little wedding if I didn't want to build things up. I have tried to bury my past. Please don't hurt me more :-(
Me: You have never understood. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. And if ever I think I have, I feel disgusted with myself. Even though some times, especially at times like this you really don't deserve the sympathy. I'm saying all this as facts, without emotion so take it for what it is. Don't you dare blame me for dragging up your past. I was so confused, I was going crazy. I couldn't work out what I did that was so wrong to deserve the treatment I got. It Made me wonder what I had done. So we talked. I told her what happened and she said that it pretty much summed you up and told me all she had to put up with... I'm completely
Disgusted tbh. I know you think I slept with Kristian behind your back. I can assure you I didn't. Ever since we started seeing each other now and then I cared about you. Always have. And I have no idea why but I always will. I hope one day I won't.
Him: You didn't deserve anything. Its why I was happy to start and try again and why Im confused and really upset that it had gone down the pan again :-(
Me: Really, referring to your message that you just sent, what are you confused about?
Him: Im saying i was really confused and angry that it just started getting really nice and tom thing happened. I was starting to get happy again and was really happy when you were here.
Me: That no longer has any bearing on anything. I shall tell you why. We have been getting into trying again for some time. Probably about 1.5 to 2 months. Well at least that Is what you have been saying you wanted. In that time, you were last online on your little dating site SUNDAY. This is AFTER we had been for the nice meal with your parents. And online on your other one 26 days ago. These are not the actions of someone who wants to try again.And now, after all this, we are done. I don't know why you behave the way you do. As hard as it is to find a decent person these days, I don't know why you would throw that away more than once. I can honestly say that I would never have hurt you in any way at all. I really hope for your sake that when you find someone decent again, you don't mess it up. I really do worry about this.
That's it. I am sorry it was so long! I felt liberated getting it all off my chest but now deflated.