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Newest Member: 4ever2gether (45763)

User Topic: 180 questions
residencywife93
♀ 39695
Member # 39695
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any good suggestions on how to keep avoiding contact? Sometimes I just want to shoot over a quick text but I know it's a bad idea...I'm trying to move on, not move backwards.

Any good tips, strategies, advice? When I get that feeling I first come here to look for advice... This place and you all are all wonderful.


Me: BS 27
Him: WH 27
Married 9/3/11
Together since 10/2006
DDay 5/28/13
Filed 7/22/13

Lacing up my nikes and running west!


Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013
purplejacket4
♀ 34262
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's a mantra I've seen here from others: Non contact = no new hurts.

I had trouble stopping cyberstalking the OW. But it was tearing me up. When I felt that way I'd find something to occupy my mind. A news article, magazine, kindle book, app game, play with my dog, call a friend. Just anything. Over time the compulsion lessened.

Good luck res wive.

[This message edited by purplejacket4 at 1:41 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2311 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Bluebird26
♀ 36445
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't contact unless it's kids and finances.

If you find yourself urged to make contact distract yourself go for a walk, eat something, do a crossword, go for a drive. Call a friend, clean the bathroom, vacuum the floor, Just do something else.

No contact means no new hurts.

((residencywife93))


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1382 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
little turtle
♀ 15584
Member # 15584
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When you're tempted to make contact, find something else to do. it will get easier in time.


Failure is success if we learn from it.

Posts: 4224 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: michigan
stillhere09
♀ 24924
Member # 24924
Default  Posted: 11:29 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Focus is the key. Focus on your new life, new interests or new activities that you would like to add to your life. Take steps to add them, even if it's just making plans. Even daydreaming about them will help. Look forward, not back, and focus on that.


Me-50 BW
Him-55,STBXWH

Walk a Mile In My Shoes
Married 14 yrs. Now Separated & in NC
2 grown DD's - his from previous M
4 grown kids (2DS, 2DD) mine from previous M


Posts: 3020 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Ohio
canteat
♀ 39636
Member # 39636
Default  Posted: 5:21 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am new here too and am having the same issue. We are still living together as other arrangements are being made. Hopefully it will only be a few days longer.

Sometimes I can't seem to stop myself from talking to him. I have a hard time ignoring him but am trying my best-I hope it will be easier when we are apart.

One thing I did today was to unfriend him and his entire family from FB. I sent those closest to me a message letting them know that I could not have any reminders of him at this time(for my own sanity) no bad mouthing him, or woe is me stuff. Just a quick note-to the point. I needed to do that because I know I will want to look and check up on him, and now I can't.

Trying to save me from myself-so i know exactly how you feel. I hope it gets a little easier each day.
*hugs*


Me: BW 42
Him: WH 47
Married 9 years-together 18
Dday: 6/17/2013 EA/PA(EA 1yr/PA 6mos-OW out of state)
status: Starting R 7/22/13

Posts: 151 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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