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Re: Telling OP's husband...

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OldCow18 posted 6/29/2013 14:01 PM

Wh has sworn to me that OP's husband knows about the A. On the night I confronted WH, I also confronted OP by sending a PM to her on Facebook, it was short and sweet (well, maybe not sweet)and it was clear...Wh claims that OP's H had OPs phone when that message came in and he saw it and they had it out and are now in the same boat we are. Issue is, I don't believe it. Gut is telling me otherwise, even though we have revisted this issue and he swears it's true every single time.

OP's H ALSO works with BH and OP, but in another department. I fear that if I tell him and he doesn't know he will have BH fired, which means we lose our house, etc... Is there ANY way I can request proof of his knowing without ME being the one to contact him?

JustWow posted 6/29/2013 15:12 PM

Just contact him. Hell, he's likely to be afraid of his WW being fired, too. We had the same situation - he didin't know. He divorrced his WW, but didn't want child support/ spousal support impacted by her lack of employment.

fourever posted 6/29/2013 15:26 PM

Absolutely tell him. Be kind, clear, and truthful. Don't wait. That is all that is required of you. Make it clear you are dealing with your husband, and you think it's over.

Doubtful he would talk to your husband, but perhaps both will leave the company.

Fear factor is the wandering spouse playbook rule 1.

Jospehine85 posted 6/29/2013 16:14 PM

OBH can not have your WH fired for sleeping with his WW.

Depending on which state you are in. Your WH's employer can fire him for no reason OR for failure to perform (which requires documentation and lots of opportunities to correct a deficiency)

If your WH's company is willing to fire him simply because a BH asked, than your WH is having issues at work too.

Frankly, I think you should tell him now. The BH will eventually find out. Best you know when instead of having the "threat" hang over your heads for years. Get it done. Make sure he knows. YOU would have wanted him to tell you if he had found out about the A first.

When you tell him, just give him facts and offer proof if he would like it.

[This message edited by Jospehine85 at 4:14 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]

JustWow posted 6/29/2013 19:13 PM

The other BS may actually know much more than you do, so talking to him could actually help YOU - get more truth.

Holly-Isis posted 6/29/2013 19:59 PM

Wh claims that OP's H had OPs phone when that message came in and he saw it and they had it out and are now in the same boat we are.

I see some issues here.
First, this is likely a lie. People in the midst of cheating usually guard their phones and communications zealously. OW probably would have let her BH use her phone unless the evidence trail was locked down.

If this is the case, then your WH is lying and likely has taken the A underground. Especially if he's the one trying to convince you he might lose his job.

Unless he's in charge of OW or their place of employment has a morality clause, she's just as likely to lose her job as your WH is.

1Faith posted 6/30/2013 08:45 AM

OP's H ALSO works with BH and OP, but in another department. I fear that if I tell him and he doesn't know he will have BH fired

1) This is a consequence of their choices. They need to be prepared to face ALL consequences.

2) I doubt they'd fire your husband over this and not the OW too.

3) WH swore her BH knows then what's the harm in contacting him to verify? You can do it in a manner that is factual and not malicious. What's the harm?

4) I didn't feel right until I let the BH know I knew. I felt I needed to have that to begin to truly heal.

5). Gently - your husband does not have any credibility on telling the truth. He's continuously lied to you. Why believe him now?

6) he wants to minimize this and protect himself and OW. I say reach out to the other BS and verify yourself. FB or LinkedIn message ?

Good luck. Keep us posted. Follow your gut.

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