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Kids stressed that S.T.B.X. may die soon

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Nature_Girl posted 6/29/2013 14:22 PM

I am unsure how to comfort/assure my kids on this subject. STBX recently had some heart attacks (which he blamed me for causing due to divorce stress, and even told the kids this). Since then he has returned to work and all normal activities, however he's been telling the kids that the medication the doctor gave him isn't working, he's been getting lots of chest pains, he may need to have his heart operated on. Whether or not this is true (that he's still this ill) is debatable, since he's a proven liar due to his NPD. He has continually used the children since separation to get his ego kibbles from, at times completely tearing their minds apart with his blatant emotional manipulation (had to get my lawyer involved to stop it).

My kids are now scared shitless that he's going to die. I mean nightmares, insomnia, daytime tears & drama scared.

I don't even know how to begin handling this. Our next family counseling session isn't for a couple weeks.

nowiknow23 posted 6/29/2013 14:59 PM

he's been telling the kids that the medication the doctor gave him isn't working, he's been getting lots of chest pains, he may need to have his heart operated on

Even if it's true, he has NO business inflicting this kind of trauma on the kids. Cruel as hell.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 6/29/2013 15:02 PM

It's just so abusive for him to do that to them.

I have no advice, I just wanted to give you a hug.

ETA: The hug: (((NG)))

[This message edited by ThoughtIKnewYa at 3:03 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]

Nature_Girl posted 6/29/2013 15:08 PM

Do I go back to my lawyer & request intervention AGAIN? Do I request a session with our family counselor to get guidance? I don't even know what to do or say. I want to confront STBX and tell him to knock it off, but of course that will be futile. I'm simply stunned at his blatant emotional abuse of the children. AGAIN.

Amazonia posted 6/29/2013 15:10 PM

Family counselor.
And ask her privately at what point she is mandated to report emotional abuse....

jo2love posted 6/29/2013 15:10 PM

(((Kids)))

He should know better than to dump something that heavy on them. I would try to move up the counseling and give the counselor a heads up prior to the appt.

Nature_Girl posted 6/29/2013 15:32 PM

Okay, just left a VM for the counselor, but of course this is a holiday week coming up... Lord, this is killing me knowing that STBX is again deliberately hurting the children.

jo2love posted 6/29/2013 15:36 PM

Your stbx should be called spongebob jackass pants.

Please give your kiddos a hug for me.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:39 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]

tryingagain74 posted 6/29/2013 15:40 PM

(((N_G)))

You are a tower of strength. I hope you and your kids can see the counselor ASAP.

Nature_Girl posted 6/29/2013 15:50 PM

You know, as you go through life you hear about parents who mindfuck their children, and you shake your head and wonder if the story is actually true, how could someone be like that how could anyone treat a child like that let alone their own flesh & blood...

And then when it happens to you. When your own children are the ones being emotionally destroyed by their father, when he keeps on doing it despite interventions from your lawyer, when you have to take your kids to the counselor weekly, WEEKLY, in order to help them process the gigantic mindfuck...

WTF? WTF???

Housefulloflove posted 6/29/2013 16:07 PM

What a gigantic POS. I'm so sorry your kids are having to deal with his crap. Whether it's true or not, that idiot should know that he needs to confide in an ADULT not small children.

Nature_Girl posted 6/29/2013 16:13 PM

that idiot should know that he needs to confide in an ADULT not small children.

I know, right??? In fact, it was exactly a year ago when I had to get my lawyer involved to force STBX to stop emotionally abusing the kids. Here we are again!

ETA: That phrase you used is almost word-for-word what my lawyer had to spell out for STBX's lawyer to make it clear that he needs to talk to an adult, not children.

[This message edited by Nature_Girl at 4:14 PM, June 29th (Saturday)]

Ashland13 posted 6/29/2013 16:46 PM

The SpongeBob crack gave me LOL, thank you, I needed it!

I heard this from Happy Pants (formerly Perv) as part of his having to get away from me. He told me I was causing him heart problems and I was why he had high blood pressure and horrible eating habits. Not a grown man's bad habits.

What he was having were panic attacks, because OW was pushing him to leave his marriage and he was too weak-minded and too weak in the pants to try for M for real.

I have had panic attacks my entire life and they mirror heart attacks. I'm not trying to minimize Nature Girl's Wh's attacks, just to say this is ringing a bell of familiarity.

He should really button that yap around your kids and I'm really sorry for their added stress. I can't stand to see or hear kids stressed by adult's stupidity.

Happy Pants has done that in lesser ways, like telling DD of a plan that isn't even certain to happen, so her hopes rise and then fall and it creates added stress for her.

I'm sorry, Nature Girl.

I agree with the posts that say to ask a counselor and I'm glad you did. It's hard to sit and wait and see things happen to our kids.

You sound like a good mom.

peridot posted 6/29/2013 18:36 PM

I would have them see their IC and then bring it up at your next court hearing. It probably won't do any good to say something to him.

ButterflyGirl posted 6/30/2013 02:30 AM

When your own children are the ones being emotionally destroyed by their father, when he keeps on doing it despite interventions from your lawyer, when you have to take your kids to the counselor weekly, WEEKLY, in order to help them process the gigantic mindfuck...

I feel you girl. It's just not fair, to you or the children..

Kajem posted 6/30/2013 09:43 AM

You know, as you go through life you hear about parents who mindfuck their children, and you shake your head and wonder if the story is actually true, how could someone be like that how could anyone treat a child like that let alone their own flesh & blood...

And then when it happens to you. When your own children are the ones being emotionally destroyed by their father, when he keeps on doing it despite interventions from your lawyer, when you have to take your kids to the counselor weekly, WEEKLY, in order to help them process the gigantic mindfuck...

BTDT- Not Going Back.

NG, do you and your kids pray? We do. And when my X pulled this crap, we prayed for his health. It helped them not to feel responsible for things they cannot control. Sort of letting it go to a higher power...

I know my kids felt powerless to help him, but they felt better doing something... to them I guess they felt like they were asking another adult to help daddy. All I know, it did lesson their anxiety about the crap he was telling them, that did not need to be shared with a child. Their lowered anxiety levels were better for all of us.


Side note.. he was telling one DD (I think she was 9 or 10 at the time)docs thought he had cancer and about having a colonoscopy, and what they did and what they saw... he even sent her an email with the video of his colon. She did a show and tell at school with it!! Teacher (knows X) thought it was informative and did not expect to be so completely informed about my X's colon.

Hugs, I know it sucks... keep being the great mom you are,they need you.

[This message edited by Kajem at 9:46 AM, June 30th (Sunday)]

Take2 posted 6/30/2013 14:38 PM

OMG Kajem - So not only was he a complete asshole, but you now have photographic evidence of it!!! "Yeah, my X is an asshole - No really! - I have the video!"

You've gotten good advice NG, so just sending hugs: ((NG & kids))

Pippy posted 6/30/2013 15:12 PM

I knew a diagnosed NPD person once. She lived on drama, provoked conflict and lied constantly. You couldn't believe a word she said and lying about health problems was a specialty.She had her EX in court so many times it was ridiculous.

My point is, your H is not going to stop. All you can do is put all your energy and resources into keeping your kids away from him. Don't stop until you get a NC order in place.

[This message edited by Pippy at 3:18 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]

homewrecked2011 posted 6/30/2013 16:16 PM

I am sorry to say that this crap doesn't stop with the D being final, either. They don't like seeing us strong, NC, happy, etc.

Stay on the offensive, NG.

Tell your atty about this, sometimes other atty can get thru to his client. Your WS isn't going to listen to you, but maybe will listen to his atty.

A little off topic:

At the last sessions before court, I had the atty ask his atty about putting the kids on his life ins and 401K as beneficiaries until youngest was 18. WS was there with his friend, wanted to look good and agreed!

homewrecked2011 posted 6/30/2013 16:26 PM

I just remembered this:

My friend told me to get a notebook and every night write down what happened that day. Kids/ ex, etc.

Her XH took her back to court and she had 2 years of spirals. She said the judge believed what she had written. The notebooks also showed where X blew off the kids sometimes, so the judge was able to cut thru the bs and realized the guy wanted out of paying CS.

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