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Needing a human

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TattoodChinaDoll posted 6/29/2013 19:17 PM

I don't want him to resuce me. Hell...I don't even want him in the house and looking at him makes me sick. But when he is the only other "adult" in this house sometimes you expect adult things...human things. Like I said in other threads, the only thing that gives me this ever so slight hesitation in all this is the kids and not wanting to hurt them. And the only thing that makes me upset is the baby thing. Friend had her baby today. I've obviously been upset. Sad for myself and upset at myself for not being able to feel joy for her. I don't know...I think if I saw him upset about something I'd still say something polite. No, I don't expect it from him and no, it's not that I want something from him. I just need some real humanness. Polite....kind...human emotions.

ButterflyGirl posted 6/29/2013 19:42 PM

Big hugs girl.

FTG. When you find yourself wanting to pity and comfort him, remember he's an emotionally abusive, lying, manipulating, heartless piece of shit who fucks other women and put you through a long ass false reconciliation with no actual intent of leaving his job or doing what was needed to fix himself or the marriage. Fuck him. Fuck his problems. He doesn't deserve you or your kindness.

Focus on you and your sweet little babies. Sending you strength.. ((((China Doll)))))

Ashland13 posted 6/29/2013 20:30 PM

I'm sorry, China Doll.

This is another thing I've felt.

I would like to feel or know somehow that he had remorse for the complete ruining of our lives that Happy Pants (formerly Perv) did.

"I'm sorry's" come nowadays, but his life is all buttoned-up and ours is living hell without a future, so I think saying those words is easy.

I have a close relative getting married and find that each step of her journey adds to my misery. I've told them it is a trigger, but they are oblivious and sent me photos of her wedding dress when they got it ordered and home.

I look in windows when I drive by the neighbors and see many happy families-or what looks cozy and happy from outside-and it's triggers.

One thing I suspect is the lonliness that comes when they leave, for it was another adult around ...of some sort.

allfalldown posted 6/29/2013 20:36 PM

I understand this and let me offer you some hope. I feel more "alone" when WH and I share the same space as opposed to when he is physically gone.

Kindness goes a long way and it hurts more when they are capable but don't offer it right in front of your face.

I am slowly coming to terms with being okay while being alone. It doesn't hurt as much. There is hope China Doll.

hugs hugs hugs

Kajem posted 6/29/2013 21:23 PM


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