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Newest Member: SadDadOf3 (46038)

User Topic: Truth sets you free?
mitz66
♀ 17888
Member # 17888
Default  Posted: 9:36 PM, June 29th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, I have been in false R for 5 years and then R for only about 5 months. Today he decided to be honest with me about pictures I found on his phone. The story was his friend took them. Truth is was ow and he took them. I have known all along, somehow I do not feel free with this truth.

If anything I am royally pissed off again. Well it is better than the plain of lethal flatness...I guess.

I have little to no patience, he is working through his foo issues and it is really difficult. He is triggered all the time, social anxiety sucks! I think of all the panic attacks I had over the affair and ongoing contact and he did not support me. Now I am expected to support him, which I know if he gets to the other side the person I knew can emerge, or a better person.

Any suggestions on how I can get through this, or has anyone else felt this way.


Me:44 BS Him:43 WH
M May 07 Adult kids
DDay #1 Pics on cell jly 07
Jan08 DDay #2 "Just Friends" admits EA DDay #3 July 2010 - he insisted on platonic contact ..False R - until Dec 2010 admits PA in April 07
Dec 2012 NC succeeded

Posts: 543 | Registered: Jan 2008
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ 18449
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((mitz66)))

The only thing I can suggest is getting back to basics:

Eat
Sleep
Breathe
Exercise
Vent here

I'm sorry you're going through this- again.


Posts: 11792 | Registered: Mar 2008
GraceisGood
♀ 17686
Member # 17686
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

he did not support me. Now I am expected to support him,

Irregardless of what is "expected" of you, it is your choice. Don't forget that, don't let yourself feel trapped under the weight of expectations, really choose what you can and want to do and follow through by honoring what you need. That is one way to set yourself free IMO.

I have known all along, somehow I do not feel free with this truth.

I don't see this situation as you getting "truth", I see it as him fessing up, finally being honest, but not "truth". IMO, truth is penetrating, deep, revealing fully, not just being honest, although honesty is required in truth, but it is just one part.

Truth, in an example like this one, could be your H being honest but going further and sharing an awareness or realization as to why he has not been honest about the pics for so long, connecting the dots in his "issues" and sharing that.

Honesty was not enough at this juncture IMO, you needed more. It has been so long, you are past just honesty, you need him to dig deeper, go further.

Any suggestions on how I can get through this, or has anyone else felt this way.

My only suggestion is to detach and take care of yourself. You alone choose how far you are willing to go to meet these "expectations of support", perhaps just being there and offering him time to work on his foo is enough.

Grace


We have a tendency to think the love offered us is a reflection of our worth and value.But in actuality,it's a reflection of the person that is giving it.We love out of who WE are-not because of who the receiver is.At least in terms of real love.TSMF

Posts: 3488 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: how far the east is from the west
RightTrack
♀ 36976
Member # 36976
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Getting the truth is better than being fed lies BUT the truth is really terrible! I struggle to thank WH for being honest with me about things when really the info he gives me makes me want to strangle him!

I tell WH that telling me the truth helps me greatly in the future although it is painful to hear.


Posts: 658 | Registered: Sep 2012
Topic Posts: 4

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