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Truth sets you free?

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mitz66 posted 6/29/2013 21:36 PM

Hi, I have been in false R for 5 years and then R for only about 5 months. Today he decided to be honest with me about pictures I found on his phone. The story was his friend took them. Truth is was ow and he took them. I have known all along, somehow I do not feel free with this truth.

If anything I am royally pissed off again. Well it is better than the plain of lethal flatness...I guess.

I have little to no patience, he is working through his foo issues and it is really difficult. He is triggered all the time, social anxiety sucks! I think of all the panic attacks I had over the affair and ongoing contact and he did not support me. Now I am expected to support him, which I know if he gets to the other side the person I knew can emerge, or a better person.

Any suggestions on how I can get through this, or has anyone else felt this way.

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 6/30/2013 00:13 AM

(((mitz66)))

The only thing I can suggest is getting back to basics:

Eat
Sleep
Breathe
Exercise
Vent here

I'm sorry you're going through this- again.

GraceisGood posted 6/30/2013 08:57 AM

he did not support me. Now I am expected to support him,

Irregardless of what is "expected" of you, it is your choice. Don't forget that, don't let yourself feel trapped under the weight of expectations, really choose what you can and want to do and follow through by honoring what you need. That is one way to set yourself free IMO.

I have known all along, somehow I do not feel free with this truth.

I don't see this situation as you getting "truth", I see it as him fessing up, finally being honest, but not "truth". IMO, truth is penetrating, deep, revealing fully, not just being honest, although honesty is required in truth, but it is just one part.

Truth, in an example like this one, could be your H being honest but going further and sharing an awareness or realization as to why he has not been honest about the pics for so long, connecting the dots in his "issues" and sharing that.

Honesty was not enough at this juncture IMO, you needed more. It has been so long, you are past just honesty, you need him to dig deeper, go further.

Any suggestions on how I can get through this, or has anyone else felt this way.

My only suggestion is to detach and take care of yourself. You alone choose how far you are willing to go to meet these "expectations of support", perhaps just being there and offering him time to work on his foo is enough.

Grace

RightTrack posted 6/30/2013 13:36 PM

Getting the truth is better than being fed lies BUT the truth is really terrible! I struggle to thank WH for being honest with me about things when really the info he gives me makes me want to strangle him!

I tell WH that telling me the truth helps me greatly in the future although it is painful to hear.

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