Thank you for posting this..This needs a big bullseye or to be bumped again and again for newbies..
I am about 4 years out from a false R that lasted two years..
I tried everything you mentioned here.. I went to counseling..I let my doctor and employer know what was happening and why I was in such a funk....My job was such that other people's lives/health directly depended on me being able to perform competently without distraction..I was referred to my EA program and got some free legal advice through them..
All of these self survival measures helped me...
I must mention that one needs a GOOD counselor for counseling to work. Nine times out of ten we have to shop and eliminate the counselors one by one with trial and error until a good counselor is found..If you are heading towards D this same advice applies to finding a good lawyer..The advice that the L or C offers needs to be good and resonate with the individual situation one is in..
I am in the dire situation of living as room mates with my WH..
The legal advice I got from several lawyers was good.With that being said, I cannot afford a long and arduous divorce proceeding..I have a serious health issue that leaves me unable to work full time..I took full retirement from my job.. My WH has no savings, pension, or employment...
So for the moment I am in a poor position to unravel this household (legally).
For me to make any financial recovery from D I would have to work like a whirlwind for the next 10-15 years and my health doesn't afford me that
So while living in this situation I am doing what I can to be healthy in self preservation..
I do slip sometimes and drink too much if I am particularly down..
My best measure of self preservation in my living situation is doing the 180..
WH does NOT get the perks and benefits of being married to me..No sex, no affection..I don't cook or do laundry for him..I carry on with my own schedule which doesn't include WH..
On a side note, if I could figure out a way to disappear from where I am living, while keeping my pension and 401 K intact and protected I would go for it..I wouldn't care if WH was awarded house in a default D..
I want to start a new life of my own away from WH....Unfortunately this will be a fight for my life literally and figuratively