I'm sure this story has been told a thousand times before, but please bear with me as I've been unable to share my whole story with anyone else until now.
I have been married to my husband for 8 1/2 years now and am currently about 5 months pregnant with our first child. Generally speaking he is a great man: good provider, steps up to the plate, educated, and dependable. However, he can be quite the cynic and not the most patient when it comes to sex: he tends to have an all-or-nothing attitude and almost comes off as a spoiled child when he doesn't get his way sexually. His libido is always raging and I have become known to him as "the prude" or "the ice queen" (his words).
Anyway, to get to the point, I found out about his most recent (yes, as in it's happened more than once) escapade a few months ago; he went to Texas to visit family, says he got drunk and picked up a random woman in a bar and had unprotected sex with her. He only told me because he was freaked out about possibly catching an STD and passing it on to me and hurting our unborn child. This conversation led to his revelation that he has cheated on me 2 other times since we've been married and once while we were engaged, all ONS. (The one that occurred while we were engaged I already knew about, but he didn't tell me until after we were married).
His MO seems to be that he claims he can't go more than a few weeks without sex, so whenever he goes out of town to visit friends/family or for military training he gets drunk and makes bad decisions. I think this is a load of crap because he has no problems not having relations with me when he's pouting about not getting what he wants and he doesn't always do this when he goes out of town. He wants me to believe that he is a sex addict and that he just can't help himself; he likens it to feeling like a 'caged wolf' and that by me denying him what he wants it just makes him bitter and more inclined to seek it elsewhere. He has said he doesn't understand why it's such a big deal when it's meaningless sex.
After the last revelation and him claiming to be a sex addict, I did a lot of research on the area we were about to be moving to and found several support groups for people that suffer from sexual addictions that he could attend. He agreed that he needed help and said that he would look into it when we arrived. I guess I'm finally sharing my story today because here it is about 3 months later and there has been no talk of him going to groups. He has a new job that keeps him very busy and I'm not worried about him repeating his prior actions, at least not at the moment, as his overall behavior of going out and getting drunk which stirs up his lust and leads to be decisions has not happened once since we arrived. However, we continually argue about the frequency and quality of the sex we have. As I mentioned early, he says I'm very frigid and that sex is one-sided; I will agree that I am very passive when it comes to sex. I feel very awkward about initiating it and most times the experience is not enjoyable, as unfortunately it takes a lot to get me going and he just doesn't have the patience for that. Sex with him is almost demeaning sometimes as he is into a lot of things that I have no interest in whatsoever, and when I deny him those things he gets angry and shuts me out for days on end. I have offered to have sex more frequently with him, but he says he's not interested if I'm not, but then gets angry if I take to long to get around to doing something with him.
I know this has turned into a more of a relationship post than dealing with the cheating, but I really feel the two are completely intertwined. I always said before I got married that infidelity would be a deal breaker, as it was the cause of my own parents' divorce. Now I'm torn; I can forgive his behavior but I feel that my willingness to forgive makes him think it's okay in one way or another. Just thinking about it still moves me to tears so I'm obviously not over it, but I feel like such a fool because at the end of the day I know I'm not going anywhere. I don't know how to feel worthwhile anymore and honestly feel like he should be kissing my a** in a sense because HE'S the one that keeps screwing up, not me, yet I always feel like the bad guy when we have these arguments. I just don't know what to do anymore.
[This message edited by mellie99 at 9:29 AM, June 30th (Sunday)]