I still go to IC. I like it and my IC specializes in issues of infidelity. Some may think I should be "over" it by now, my IC is well aware that two to five years is the norm.
Anyway, I have resisted for so long the notion that my exWH is a narcissist. It was so hard to see because he is the covert kind. I'm seeing that I endured a lot of abuse and emotional manipulation and just never knew it. It was just life I guess. Now, with the help of IC, I am seeing how narcs work, what motivates them, and how they can walk away like you never existed. That's been one of the hardest parts to accept.
My IC also read a blog that OW writes. It is atrocious. It shows how juvenile, insecure, nasty and selfish she really is. She doesn't even try to hide it. So, my IC said that she obviously can't diagnose her, but in reading that crap she would be very surprised if this woman is not a borderline personality.
So, she asked me to read up on that and read up on how those two personalities mix in a relationship. She wanted me to do that because, when I go to the bad place in my mind, I tend to romanticize their relationship.
Wow! I mean, wow. It all makes sense now. It makes so much sense. Just the little bit I know from the things the kids tell me, i am starting to see that we have two people embroiled in a sick relationship. He needs her to kiss his ass and idolize. She will until he does one little thing wrong. She will then push him away, hard. He will go away, but she will then do everything she can to coax him back. It's a gross cycle that will go on and on until one of them gets enough nerve to leave.
Borderlines don't get better. They get worse as they age and narcs never get better.
Please, my SI friends, help me to remember this when I go to the bad place. If they get married, I know my mind will go there and I need to remember all of this in order to get through. It's not true love, it's a sick need. Big difference.