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If you meet someone and they are a potential partner how do you navigate whether they are real? Do you relax after the amount of years you were married or is it that you accept that there are I guarantees and you are willing to get hurt for the sake of the risk?

How does one ever really know if our spouses did this after so many years? I miss the true naive nature of being in a relationship.

You do have to accept that there's a risk you could get hurt, in any relationship. But the more healed you are emotionally, the better the chance you have of attracting someone who is as real as they appear to be.

Aside from that, there's google, and background checks.

Keep your focus on taking excellent care of yourself, physically, mentally, emotionally, socially. An SO is icing on the cake, not the cake.

That gives you the best chance of pacing yourself slowly as you get to know them with your ears and eyes open.

If your SO implodes down the line you will have the most strength possible to deal w it because of all the great self care and personal development.

FP, No one has the ability to hurt you unless you allow it. Whatever you Ex did is for him to know inside. He might not even know, but one thing I can tell you and it is that he was broken not you.
Life has not guarantees neither the future, So don't focus on the future and LIVE the know. You are in a relationship with yourself and everything around you. find happiness inside you by exploring the inner parts of your being. within time you will be happier than ever because you find it inside and NO one can take it away from you.
Learn about detachment to realized by you are missing something that you always have had.
My 2 cents.