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What I just told WH

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BlindSighted2013 posted 6/30/2013 21:34 PM

Sorry if this post is rambling. I am kind of rushing to get it down while my feelings are still so fresh.

D-day was only May 7th, and so I am still in the ping pong stage of wanting to run versus wanting to try to work it out.

We are trying to stick it out one day at a time for right now.

WH has been remorseful right from the end of the first week, and it's only gotten better from there....

...but unfortunately, that is not really making me feel any better yet.

I told him tonight that it would be like if I had taken a crow bar to his knees and elbows and head, and THEN I realized just how much he meant to me and so I rushed him to the ER and begged them to save him....they did but now he will never be the same vibrant person that he once was...

...and HE decided that now that his life was a shadow of what it once was, that he will work through my anger with me because he loves me and he wants to try to accept what I just did to him.

WHY? We are both working our butts off as if our lives depend on it now, and so I can see some hope finally. I think that hope is making me even more angry. :(

wheelsup posted 7/1/2013 01:03 AM

(Gently) What you are feeling is very very normal at this stage. Once you start to get over the numbness that comes with the shock ... then the anger sets in. And, it is an anger that is all-consuming, no matter what he does to help.

It gets better with time.


BlindSighted2013 posted 7/1/2013 08:53 AM

Thanks wheelsup for your reply. I figure that this is normal from what I have read, but it helps to have validation from someone who has already been there.

I'm so sorry for you and for all of us that we even have to deal with this.

I keep telling myself that I will deal with my feelings for one more day. WH has started trying change my words to one more WEEK, rather than day. Even that ticks me head tells me that means that he is desperately wanting to work on our M....but my heart tells me that he doesn't truly realize how much hell I am going through hourly.

I slept pretty well last night, woke up feeling rested and kind of positive...and then BAMMMM, a mind tape popped in to my head and they were having sex.

I cried and WS held me...and asked me to tell him what I was thinking. I told him that he had lots of sex this morning, just not with ME. He made it worse by trying to comfort me...he did try, but his choice of words were awful...he said "I'm so sorry that you had to see me having sex without you". OH MY I went to the bathroom and shut the door.

CatchyUsername posted 7/1/2013 09:27 AM

BlindSighted - my DDay was May 8th so I understand maybe where you are right now. I find myself too struggling to find ways to communicate with remorseful WH about what I am feeling, about what it feels like to live in my skin and my head right now.

And he is trying his best to understand.

But how can they? My WH says that he does not think of OW at all unless confronted with it.

And I am right there with you - one day at a time...

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