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Newest Member: Else (61873)

User Topic: how to deal with A season from the WS side
♂ 37328
Member # 37328
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

an earlier post got me thinking and wanting to prepare myself for the A season of fall. this is when i had my A and ruined that great time for my family. ok so i know it will be torturous for my BS and i want to know what I can do to ease her pain during this time. any and all advise would be greatly appreciated. thanks in advance

WS (Me): 26 y/o
BS (Her): 26 y/o (MandoBando)
Relationship: M for 4 years, a 20 month old son and a 8 month old son.
D-Day: 10/23/12
Working towards R...

Despite the fact that i am an ass hole, horrible father, and horrible husband; i LOVE and

Posts: 76 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Toledo, OH
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 11:04 PM, June 30th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you should discuss this with your BS. She may have specific suggestions of what will help. Make sure your words and actions match. Being loving, open, honest, supportive, and giving hugs, goes a long way. Sending you both strength.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 11:08 PM, June 30th (Sunday)]

Posts: 50946 | Registered: Mar 2011
♀ 31528
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping so others can read and give advice.

Posts: 50946 | Registered: Mar 2011
♂ 36622
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We worked together to thoroughly plan our first A season. Our A season covered my birthday, fWS birthday, our DS birthday, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. We threw out all our family traditions and started completely fresh. We planned new adventures for all birthdays and holidays as well as significant dates of the A.

We planned it all out together with back up plans to our plans in case things went south. We built a lot of great new memories with each other and our family as our focus.

Many of these new activities will become new family traditions.

[This message edited by Chicho at 7:34 AM, July 1st (Monday)]

BS 42
fWS 38 (SurprisinglyOkay)
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2859 | Registered: Aug 2012
♀ 34319
Member # 34319
Default  Posted: 7:49 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LTA here. WH carried n a long distance thing for 16 months on my count. So he ruined the whole year. But d day was Christmas, so I will focus on that as the thing that we most had to recover or survive or that was most threatening to us. We worked together to plan a Christmas unlike any we had before. We went to a beautiful city, where we had stayed at the start of our marriage. We went with our kids, and took our time to see old sights and new. It was helpful that we did something different than what we had done the year before. It was also helpful that we talked about it in advance. And that we planned it together. Not either of us steering it alone. Good on you for being proactive. Just be flexible- even the best of plans can go south with the littlest trigger. And be present and supportive and authentic,

[This message edited by OnAnIsland at 7:50 AM, July 1st (Monday)]

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

Posts: 1486 | Registered: Dec 2011
♀ 38139
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 10:31 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BW here...

i am knee deep in what is my first "A Season" It has been hell. I trigger constantly thinking about where my WH's head was last year at this time, the things he was doing.

my best advice to you is actions. Words mean nothing if there are no actions to back them up. SHOW true remorse in your actions. Be there for your BS, anticipate situations that may cause triggers and recognize it, acknowledge it. Own what you did and work to become the person your BS and family deserve. Forge new family memories...take a painful day and create a new memory with a new activity...step outside the box and do different things with your family.

you cant change what you did....but you can change who you become from here on out. talk to your BS, ask her what she needs from you. keep communicating, keep talking, be there and be supportive. Remember, understand and accept that here WILL be bad days for you conduct yourself on those bad days will speak volumes.

Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 6

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