I'm curious if this is a common symptom of the A or if it could be due to his bi-polar? His psychiatrist recently mentioned that he was a little on the high side during the time of the A but neither WH nor I noticed any of his usual signs of that. Perhaps I missed them because he had another outlet for it. I am also super pissed that his psychiatrist noticed this but never said anything at the time. WH is planning to bring this up to him at his next appointment.
Any others have memory lapses as a result of the A?
When I bring up the terrible way he treated me and all the other shit he did, he claims he doesn't remember any of that. I think it's more a case of not WANTING to remember, KWIM?
Trust is like paper. Once it's crumpled it can never be perfect again.
FWH claims to have no memory of that talk, but it was after that that he and OW stopped having sex and went EA. OW was (according to the e-mails) highly upset about that. FWH does report that OW noticed a difference in him after that talk. FWH figures he was just so traumatized that he's blocked it out. Amazing.
D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA
It's funny that him not remembering A related things doesn't really bother me that much. It is when he doesn't remember things that happened at home while he was having the A that really bother me. I guess because I now know that he wasn't really present with us at home even when he was here. I guess that shouldn't surprise me. Why be present in the mundane home life when you have a fantasy life to escape to?
I think my question was trying to see if his memory lapses could be due to the bipolar but I think it is probably common in lots of cases. I am frightened that his psychiatrist thinks he running high at the time when we didn't notice that. Maybe it is hindsight on his part but even in hindsight, my WH and I cannot see it. Perhaps WH can get some answers at his next appointment.
Thanks for your responses.
Sadflower - I was also amazed at your story.
Another incident: After D-Day, when he made the NC call to OW, she reportedly exclaimed, 'But you promised we'd never get caught!" He swears that he has no memory of ever having said any such thing to her. Actually, I think OW's memory is more trustworthy on this point.
He sure doesn't remember how shabbily he treated me on our 10th anniversary (two years into the A).
We had some lovely vacations during the A, and he does remember details of those.
In my case it is not related to a personality disorder, just a stupid man who thought he needed a girlfriend to pass the time with. :) Just thinking about all of the lies he had to keep straight and always being on guard about what he said helps me to completely understand how he couldn't remember everyday things going on in our life.
Time really does heal.
EA D-Day May 2008
PA D-Day May 7,2010 (same A)