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A hard week ahead

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guiltfilled11 posted 7/1/2013 06:48 AM

2 years ago this week I made, by far, the biggest mistake of my life. 2 years ago I was the biggest jerk to all of the people that mean the most to me. 2 years ago I was the most self absorbed person on the planet. All I cared about was me and my A.

I have changed a lot in the last 2 years. I'm not perfect by any means but every mistake I make I learn from it and this one is no exception. I will never put anyone above my family, myself included, ever again.

I watch my wife struggle every day with me. She struggles with triggers, trust, and being able to open up to me and I have no one to blame but myself. I hate that I have caused her so much pain that continues to torture her on a daily basis.

The week ahead is what we call hell week. It's the hardest time of the year for her. I took the week off from work to help her, to distract her, and to show her that she is the only one that matters.

I will continue to say my I'm sorry's and I will support her through everything that lies ahead...


You are the one who loves and supports me through everything. I know you struggle every single day, I'm sorry I've made it that way for you. I promise to forever be here for you and never put you through any pain like that again. I love you.

[This message edited by guiltfilled11 at 10:07 AM, July 1st (Monday)]

jo2love posted 7/2/2013 09:23 AM

(((guiltfilled & Hurtbuthoping)))

It sounds like you have come far in this journey and are really working on R. I think your idea to take time off of work to focus on helping your BS through this antiversary was a great idea. Sending you both strength to get through the coming week.

Pudding posted 7/2/2013 11:25 AM

Hugs to you both. You are doing the right thing and hopefully she will appreciate the strength of your commitment to help her heal.

Ashland13 posted 7/2/2013 12:08 PM

I wish you well and I wish you peace.

Even though you did something very wrong, your family is lucky and I envy them the change to try to be a family again. We don't have that and we lost to another family who took STBX away from us (yes, he went).

I hope it will work out the way you want and you sound very kind about your wife's suffering.

STBX made fun of mine and mocked me when I spoke of triggers.

I wish the best for you.

jo2love posted 7/2/2013 14:58 PM

I just wanted to add that your proactiveness in anticipating her needs, speaks volumes.

guiltfilled11 posted 7/6/2013 07:51 AM

Today's the day.

It has been a daily "good week" all things considering. Ups and downs for her I know but we've stayed busy and had a lot of family time which I've thoroughly enjoyed. Today we plan on staying home for another family day by the pool.

I hope I can provide the much needed love and support for her that I know she needs today. I hate to see her in pain, especially knowing that its pain that I've caused.

Knowing posted 7/6/2013 08:28 AM

Glad you've had a good week! Have you been able to get away alone together? Today might be a good day for that.

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