No matter how remorseful a WS is, no matter how much they have improved their brokenness, there is still the fact of the betrayal (and the physical infidelity if it was a PA) at the base. Someone here on SI refers to it, "You cant unf### the donkey". The realization of that was another dagger to my heart.
You may be mourning the "what could have been" of your M. I do.
People talk about making a new, better marriage. I'm just not able to see beyond the realization of what has happended to my M yet. I meant my vows, and thought WH did. And I'm mad that it feels like I'm not married- kind of feel like I was secretly divorced by WH and just found out.
Time. They say time will help us, and that we will heal...
This has changed me to my soul, so no, my life will never be the same. My marriage, if I can heal enought to start a new one with WH, can't possibly be what I had envisioned for myself. It's been a shock to discover that WH didn't hold our M sacred. It sounds like that is where you are too.