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Newest Member: Thranduilion (61515)

User Topic: Major Trigger
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Sad  Posted: 10:23 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband and I have been in R for over a year and a half.

Last night we were discussing two friends of ours that D after the husband had an affair.

The husband is not paying child support and living the high life while the wife is still struggling emotionally and financially.

Something struck a nerve because I unleashed on my husband. I was so angry that he chose to cheat and risked so much. I told him I didn't know if I wanted to do this anymore. That the pain is still there and it still bothers me so much at times.

Coming to SI helps in so many ways but also causes me to trigger over new posts, etc. It's like reliving DDay all over again.

Understandably my husband is very upset. Thought things were going so well. Can't understand why I still get angry.

I had had several glasses of wine and know this didn't help.

Today, I apologized for my outburst but just feel empty. Numb.

I feel like the last year and a half I have been walking around like a zombie. Going through the motions but not really feeling ANYTHING.

Sure, there have been moments of joy and happiness but the A is always in the back of my mind. It's always there. Just nudging enough to know that my world will never truly be safe.

Any thought? Thanks for listening.

Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for

Posts: 3326 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 30314
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


yesterday we were at a town event and there were several couples there we knew - out of about 10, one couple was still together, many were there with their affair partners or new partners after a divorce and these were long term marriages - over 15 years.?

we both shook our heads as we walked home... I guess I felt lucky.

hugs to you.

Posts: 7613 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
♀ 38975
Member # 38975
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Rachel

I know. I hate looking around and knowing that we are now a statistic. Part of the infidelity fraternity that I never wanted to join.

Of our close circle of friends we know 5 couples that have dealt with this. Unreal to me.

Hate it. Good luck to you.

Sometimes my life feels like a test I didn't study for

Posts: 3326 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 39650
Member # 39650
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have the opposite going on and that sucks, too - I'm a teacher and don't know if the profession has something to do with it, but EVERYONE around me is married for years. No divorce, no separations, just all picture perfect. I feel so alone.

Posts: 41 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: New Jersey
♀ 39073
Member # 39073
Default  Posted: 11:38 PM, July 1st (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Teachers are not immune. My WS is a much loved teacher, highly respected, and adored. It makes it so much harder to know that he is so wonderful with everyone else but thought so little of me that he would cheat and lie. I feel like I am the one he takes all his problems of passivity out on. Everywhere I go, people tell me how wonderful he is and how lucky me and our kids are to have him. Yet, he is a cheating lier in our marriage and how does that help our kids develop moral values? When he began teaching at his school everyone was married. Since then there have been many divorces and even some affairs between married teachers that lead to separation and divorce. I have been shocked by some of the couples. Things aren't always picture perfect.

Me - BS (53) Him-WS(58)
Her OW(55) HighSchoolGirlfriend
Together 30 years Married 28 Kids 24,21,18
D day Feb 26 2013 after 20 months
D day March 4 they met again "to say goodbye"
D day April 2 found out about secret email

Posts: 195 | Registered: Apr 2013
♀ 31558
Member # 31558
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, July 2nd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

On the topic of SI being a trigger... I think it's only a trigger around things I still need to work on and it helps me work on them. Just because we're not actively thinking about an issue doesn't mean have dealt with it or are over it. It is possible SI might sometimes give us more than we are ready to handle. I think lots of people step back and return when they're ready to work on another level. I know I did.

Me: BW a youthful 51
Him: alcoholic, sober now, WH 58
Married 21 years
Two sons, 18 & 19 years old
DD? He's still keeping secrets and only admits to what I have indisputable
evidence of... the $2000 earrings he bought her for x-mas.

Posts: 1585 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 6

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