My husband and I have been in R for over a year and a half.
Last night we were discussing two friends of ours that D after the husband had an affair.
The husband is not paying child support and living the high life while the wife is still struggling emotionally and financially.
Something struck a nerve because I unleashed on my husband. I was so angry that he chose to cheat and risked so much. I told him I didn't know if I wanted to do this anymore. That the pain is still there and it still bothers me so much at times.
Coming to SI helps in so many ways but also causes me to trigger over new posts, etc. It's like reliving DDay all over again.
Understandably my husband is very upset. Thought things were going so well. Can't understand why I still get angry.
I had had several glasses of wine and know this didn't help.
Today, I apologized for my outburst but just feel empty. Numb.
I feel like the last year and a half I have been walking around like a zombie. Going through the motions but not really feeling ANYTHING.
Sure, there have been moments of joy and happiness but the A is always in the back of my mind. It's always there. Just nudging enough to know that my world will never truly be safe.
Any thought? Thanks for listening.