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Major Trigger

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1Faith posted 7/1/2013 10:23 AM

My husband and I have been in R for over a year and a half.

Last night we were discussing two friends of ours that D after the husband had an affair.

The husband is not paying child support and living the high life while the wife is still struggling emotionally and financially.

Something struck a nerve because I unleashed on my husband. I was so angry that he chose to cheat and risked so much. I told him I didn't know if I wanted to do this anymore. That the pain is still there and it still bothers me so much at times.

Coming to SI helps in so many ways but also causes me to trigger over new posts, etc. It's like reliving DDay all over again.

Understandably my husband is very upset. Thought things were going so well. Can't understand why I still get angry.

I had had several glasses of wine and know this didn't help.

Today, I apologized for my outburst but just feel empty. Numb.

I feel like the last year and a half I have been walking around like a zombie. Going through the motions but not really feeling ANYTHING.

Sure, there have been moments of joy and happiness but the A is always in the back of my mind. It's always there. Just nudging enough to know that my world will never truly be safe.

Any thought? Thanks for listening.

rachelc posted 7/1/2013 10:30 AM


yesterday we were at a town event and there were several couples there we knew - out of about 10, one couple was still together, many were there with their affair partners or new partners after a divorce and these were long term marriages - over 15 years.?

we both shook our heads as we walked home... I guess I felt lucky.

hugs to you.

1Faith posted 7/1/2013 12:04 PM

Thanks Rachel

I know. I hate looking around and knowing that we are now a statistic. Part of the infidelity fraternity that I never wanted to join.

Of our close circle of friends we know 5 couples that have dealt with this. Unreal to me.

Hate it. Good luck to you.

Betrayed07 posted 7/1/2013 13:43 PM

Have the opposite going on and that sucks, too - I'm a teacher and don't know if the profession has something to do with it, but EVERYONE around me is married for years. No divorce, no separations, just all picture perfect. I feel so alone.

LearningToFly posted 7/1/2013 23:38 PM


Teachers are not immune. My WS is a much loved teacher, highly respected, and adored. It makes it so much harder to know that he is so wonderful with everyone else but thought so little of me that he would cheat and lie. I feel like I am the one he takes all his problems of passivity out on. Everywhere I go, people tell me how wonderful he is and how lucky me and our kids are to have him. Yet, he is a cheating lier in our marriage and how does that help our kids develop moral values? When he began teaching at his school everyone was married. Since then there have been many divorces and even some affairs between married teachers that lead to separation and divorce. I have been shocked by some of the couples. Things aren't always picture perfect.

Ladyogilvy posted 7/2/2013 13:17 PM

On the topic of SI being a trigger... I think it's only a trigger around things I still need to work on and it helps me work on them. Just because we're not actively thinking about an issue doesn't mean have dealt with it or are over it. It is possible SI might sometimes give us more than we are ready to handle. I think lots of people step back and return when they're ready to work on another level. I know I did.

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