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Complete and Utter Despair

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soveryweary posted 7/1/2013 10:25 AM

Please forgive me for the continued posts.
Unfortunately I am off for two weeks vacation and wish I was working to keep my mind occupied.
I am in complete and utter despair.
Since Saturday and listening to the VAR, I have engaged in behavior that I am appalled at. I regressed to being a teenager who had her boyfriend taken away. Sending a letter to her work, messaging a couple of her friends and her sister. Desperately trying to get a hold of her husband by messaging his sister.
Now I have involved more people in this mess. I am just sick at the thought of my children finding out I did those things. I thought the one thing I had over that son of a bitch was that I NEVER consciously did anything that would make me ashamed they knew about.
Just trying to get a grip. For goodness sakes I am a grown woman with a "decent" job, friends and relatives who love me and care for me.
So from this moment out, no matter how hard it is, I am going to behave with dignity and in the manner my momma raised me.

mainlyinpain posted 7/1/2013 10:32 AM


Don't beat yourself up. You reacted to a horrible hurt. It was instinctual, a way to protect you from the hell of knowing that the one who was supposed to be protecting you was actually hurting you.
It is great that you now have reverted back to the real you and not the one they forced you to become.
It is possible to do some damage control if you think it necessary and to counteract what you did put out there. Possibly a followup message to these people stating what you just stated here....the pain of this further betrayal made you act in a way that is not your true self and that you wish you had not lashed out to people who were not the actual ones that hurt you and damaged you. That being said, it is not your responsibility to protect the cheaters.

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