it happened in the way it should have i guess.
i can barely stand my life as it is now im consumed with the details of that horrible night ,though rather boring the details are i find them very hurtful. i find myself looking for more a hint of more when i have it all unfolded in front of me , im still turning over rocks . im picking apart the conversation because , well idk i guess i cant believe that the WH put it all the line for someone who's :
-who was "alright""average" looking"and no where near as "hot" as me in the words of my husband .
- he didnt know her
- did it because he liked how she spoke to him and how wanted it made him feel
-that after the "small talk" there was no emotional connection
- that he didnt like her he liked her words
- that they didnt try to get to know each other on the walk to the hotel that he smoked and walked and that she "stared" at the ground after he turned her down when she asked for his number( he was confused why she asked when she purposed they do that with no strings )
- that he had no thoughts of home and thought in the moment until the horrifying moments in the middle of sex when he realized its not what he wanted and threw her off
to get back to the topic had it been EA,LTA, More than once or that he knew her or that id see her again i dont know if i could handle it .
if i knew her i'd kill her
if it was an EA id kill him
if it was a LTA id want to die
he loves me , he is disgusted with his choice and wants badly to jump to the future saying he knows how he feels about me and nothing will change it and that hes sorry for the most part he can be understanding but when we hit the really rough spots his reaction is to get mad (hes always been easy to anger) its not til after the episode where he realizes man im sorry i did that.
im so angry, yet so flat
i want badly for this girl to get hers and i want to be the one to do it
i told my WH that i want her to know she wasnt speacial and he regrets her and she was a mistake and that not for a second could she steal him .
he says" babe she knows she was a mistake she knows i wish i never met her , why do you think she stormed out calling me every name there is to say i'm gay for kicking her off and out my room ?"
ugh how come i know he he telling me the truth about that night and i know how serious he is about coming out better in spite of this . that now he wants to open up and im clamming up.
he is over all a good provider father husband and had gotten rid of distractions and spends time , quality time at that and still im going crazy and can only show him a couple hours of kindness before im poking him and throwing it in this face and picking apart conversations that have nothing to do with the ONS.
i read that in cases like mine a one time ONS indicates that the WS truly had no intentions on leaving the marriage but were not prepared for encounters such as these because they didnt think it could happen to them . that they were in a way swept up by the compliments and attention from somebody who doesnt have any obligation to them yet they are still very much interested and its flattering and they arent thing about anything but how good if feels .
that in itself is human error to fall prey to that if not prepared .
idk i still hate it though i hope the little blond is an ugly skank that can only get someone if she compromises herself and integrity if she has any.
i hope it happens to her she knows she deserves it . actually she doesn't deserve for her future H to love her she deserves to get an STD and live a lonely life . she will never become a good enough person not deserve that in my eyes she knew he was married and had kids but she saw a "marine" ahhhh yum ....
[This message edited by huRtZ413 at 12:34 PM, July 1st (Monday)]